The Truth About Jane
by DeadPigeon
Summary: Now that she's "dead", Clara Oswald feels the need to come clean with the truth about Jane Austen.
1. Entry 1

**The Truth About Jane**

Now that I'm "dead", I've been hearing all sorts of rumors about myself. It's my fault really; I was always dropping innuendos and putting people on just to have a bit of fun. Never thought anybody would actually believe me. Sooo…here I am, back on Earth, mid February 2016 just to set the record straight…and also to spend some time with my family. No. I haven't told them about my "condition" yet. That's a truth I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell. Gonna' have to tell them something sooner or later though, and later would be telling by omission. God this sucks! Do you want to know the worst part about being dead? It's not actually being dead.

But hey, let's save my family problems for another time. Right now the most important truths I want to tell are the ones concerning Jane Austen. Especially, since I've never actually met the woman and I'd hate to impugn upon her historical reputation. Yeah, I realize I'm always dropping her name, but I honestly don't know her. Even though we have done all those crazy things I've alluded to. Ok, I know it sounds confusing, but if you'll bear with me…I'll explain everything.

It all began with the Doctor trying to cheer me up. I say, cheer me up. More likely it was him just trying to get me out of his hair. You see, it was just after we'd left Missy and the Daleks behind on Skaro. The Doctor was setting coordinates to god knows where, and I…I was trying not to throw up.

" _Doctor, I don't feel quite right."_

 _He stopped what he was doing and was upon me in three long strides, with his sonic screwdriver pointed at my face. I smacked it away before he "accidentally" poked me in the eye again._

" _Sorry." He mumbled his usual apology as he scanned me. "Hmmm."_

" _What's Hmmm supposed mean?"_

" _Oh, it's nothing. Your body's just trying to excrete about a billion dead and dying Dalek nanites, that's all."_

 _I freaked. "That's all!"_

 _He pursed his lips and then gave me his patented 'I know better than you do face'. "It's nothing. They'll be out of your system in a few days."_

 _Still freaking. "In a few days!"_

" _Don't worry. Your body will excrete them as a waste product. You're excreting them right now, every time you exhale." He stepped closer and rubbed his thumb across my forehead and then stuck it under my nose before rubbing it together with his index and middle finger. "There goes a few thousand and you can't even see them."_

 _The thought of thousands of dead nanites being secreted out through my pores literally made my skin crawl. "Ok, that's just gross."_

" _Really?" He gave me a confused cock of his head. "You're 'grossed out' by thousands of microscopic dead machines littering your skin, but not by the nearly one trillion types of bacteria that have been living on and under your skin your entire life?"_

 _There really wasn't much else for me to say. "I think I need a shower."_

 _He rubbed his thumb across my forehead again, only this time he just stood there, contemplating it. "You know, it probably wouldn't hurt if you stayed in for a few days."_

 _That comment had my attention. "If it's nothing, then why do I need to stay in?" I encroached into his personal space. "Is there something you're not telling me?"_

 _He backed off, "No, no…" and turned away to fiddle with the still- as yet to be fixed- chameleon circuit. "…it just falls under my duty of care, that's all. You said you weren't feeling well so I thought I'd make you some soup and hang around to make sure you don't turn into a unicorn and start hallucinating rainbows," and then the toggle switch broke off in his hand, "...or something." He tried to hide it along with the truth he wasn't telling me in his pocket. I pursued him around the console, stopping next to him and the flight lever._

" _Or something?"_

 _He scoffed at me. "I told you; it's nothing."_

 _So I poked him squarely in the chest. "Ow."_

" _Tell me." I poked him again. It always worked on him to keep up the pressure. "Now."_

 _He wouldn't look me in the eye as he tried his famous: If I say it fast enough and they don't catch it, "I refuse to repeat myself"- tactic. He employed it whenever he desperately wanted to extract himself from any awkward situation._

" _youmightbecomeaDalekdronewithaneyestalkstickingoutofyourforehead."_

 _For someone always professing to be a very poor telepath, I'm sure he heard the phrase 'Oh shit.' loud and clear when it popped into my head because he certainly did his best to placate me._ _But first, I had to ask. "Why did you even go with the whole Unicorn analogy? It's a bit of a stretch."_

" _I was just trying to tell you the truth, while sparing you the truth, besides what girl doesn't love the mention of unicorns and or rainbows being dropped into the conversation."_

 _And that was when 'you misogynistic idiot' popped into my head, and that was when I knew he'd lied about being a poor telepath. He was just being a selective telepath._

 _I didn't call him on it. No need to. I just put my hands on my hips and watched him unravel. "Maybe if I was seven and not twenty seven!"_

 _He tried pleading his case while looking suitably embarrassed. Shuffling around on his big feet and rubbing at the back of his neck. This used to work on me. "Consider it from my perspective Clara! Twenty seven is a lot closer to seven than several thousands." It might have even worked again this time had he not just called me a_ _ **child!**_ _He quickly realized his mistake._

" _So what type of soup would you like? Cream of Mushroom? Chicken and Rice. Tomato soup and crackers, or how about soup and a sandwich?" He was slowly backing across the console room platform and towards the Tardis hallway as he spoke. "I make an awesome Monte Cristo, or how about a veggie wrap? Or maybe some of those silly little sandwiches you like so much, you know…the ones with the crusts cut off?" He couldn't remember. "Zucchini?" He squeaked out._

" _Cucumber." I corrected._

" _Right cucumber, cucumber sandwiches followed by…oops!" He nearly stumbled backwards down the stairs. He righted himself and made his way to the hallway. I followed. No choice. I still wanted that shower, but mostly, I really wanted to find out what else he was going to offer me._

Sorry for stopping here folks, but I came home to spend time with my family and I'm not gonna' to waste it. The sun is almost up and I think I hear Gran messing about in the kitchen, so I'll pick back up on the story later tonight once everyone's gone to bed. I know you're probably all thinking to yourselves, 'What the hell can this possibly have to do with Jane Austen?' But every story has a beginning, and if you really want to know the truth about this one, well then…this was how it began.


	2. Entry 2

**Entry #2**

I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. Gran didn't want to turn in till well past midnight. Seem she doesn't have much need for sleep these days either, so I'd better get started. She'll be up before the sun. Let's see…where did I leave off? Hmm…oh yeah, the Doctor was trying to apologize for bungling his 'duty of care' obligation by seeing how far he could cram one of his custom-made Loakes down his cake hole. First he offered soup and then it was soup and a sandwich. I'm sure you can probably guess what came next.

" _Followed by cupcakes with sprinkles!" He threw his hands out in grand flourish as if he was expecting me to go, "Weee!" All he got was an eye roll. So he kept on going. "Or not." I headed on to my room for that much needed shower._

 _He followed. "Or just plain cake?"_

 _I couldn't believe he seriously thought that after seeing my lack of enthusiasm, he'd win me over by downgrading the offer? Idiot._

 _It was his turn to roll his eyes, only I noticed they didn't roll back down right away. He must have been looking for his brains off switch. He never found it though. Because in that brief moment of silence, in those few earned steps that I managed to get ahead of him, I made the mistake of looking back, and I saw that his lips were moving again._

" _Or Carrot Cake, or no cake. Ok, how about chocolate? Or chocolate pudding? Or maybe something to drink instead. Water? Tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate? A Bloody Mary?"_

 _That one earned a look._

 _He grabbed my arm. "Clara, stop. Please I take my duty of care very seriously. There has to be something you need?"_

" _I need a shower."_

 _He looked like a frightened owl. "Besides that."_

***Oh! It just now occurred to me why he had that look on his face!***

" _There has to be something I can do for you?"_

" _You can start by apologizing." That shut him up, for a moment at least._

" _Look. Clara, we've discussed this before." He took his left hand and held it up, palm facing down at chest level. "This is a human brain." He then held up his right hand in the same way, only high up above his head. "And this is a Time Lord brain. There is a gap…"_

" _Between your ears." I mumbled loud enough that he could hear._

" _Fine!" He dropped his hands and began rummaging around in his pockets. He pulled out his index cards and began shuffling through them till he found a card he liked. He held it up to read aloud…_

… _but I snatched it from his hand. "Seriously?"_

 _He threw his arms out in surrender before slapping them down in defeat at his sides. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ok? You know I'm no good at this!"_

 _I'd pushed him as far as I could, so now it was my turn to relent. "Chicken and Stars, crackers, chocolate cupcake, vanilla icing, confetti sprinkles." I turned to leave him with my order, but then I turned back. "Oh, and I want a book. A Jane Austen novel."_

 _He raised both eyebrows. "Which one?"_

 _I gave him my best smirk. "Whichever one you want. Your're the one who'll be reading it to me. I'll be too busy eating."_

 _I didn't see his face. I'd already turned and was walking away. But this is what I heard._

" _Aaaawwwwgh!_

 _It wasn't until I was in my room that I realized I still had his index card in my hand. I looked at it before setting it atop my dresser. It said:_

 ** _I am a stranger to your world/city/town. Please excuse my ignorance of your customs/laws/traditions. I will do my best not to transgress against them again._**

 _What can I say?_

 _I had plenty of time to shower and change, crawl up under the covers and then sit there impatiently buffing my nails while I waited for him to return. He probably spent most of his time hemming and hawing over which one of Jane Austen's novels was the least objectionable to him. When he finally did show up, if he'd of tapped any lighter on my door I might not have heard him. That was probably what he was hoping for._

" _Come in!"_

" _Ah, still awake I see."_

" _Yes. Still waiting for you."_

 _He was carrying a wooden breakfast tray that he set down with a little formality across my lap. "There you are my lady." There was a cloth napkin draped across his arm that he laid on the bed beside me. On the tray was everything I'd ordered, plus I few things I hadn't. In addition, there was a glass of water, a box of paracementol and a tiny crystal vase displaying what looked like a fresh hand-picked pink rosebud. (I say hand-picked because the stem looked torn from a bush and the Doctor was sporting a plaster near the tip of his right forefinger.) I almost felt a little guilty._

 _I said almost. "Thank you." I picked up the spoon and stirred my soup._

 _He stood back to watch. "You're not planning on standing there and watching me are you? Where's the book?" Maybe he'd thought I'd forgotten._

" _It's in my wingback."_

 _I slurped up a taste. Not bad. "Well, it's not getting read to me from there, is it?"_

 _He glanced upwards, addressing the Tardis. "Chair Please!" It materialized behind him. He picked up the hardback sitting atop its leather cushion and plopped down into the seat. When he looked up, he saw that it was me watching him this time and he let loose with his own bit of sarcasm. "You wouldn't want your soup to get cold."_

 _I picked up a cracker and waved it at him before crumbling it into the bowl._

" _I'm gonna need a footstool!" He barked out. One that matched his chair appeared and he set his feet atop, crossing them at the ankles. He cracked the book._

I had to know. " _So which one did you choose?"_

" _Sandition."_

 _I think I arched an eyebrow. "But that's one of her unfinished works." And one of the few I hadn't read._

 _He gave me a sly smirk. "Yes ,I know. And I probably won't finish reading it to you either. So I thought it apropos."_

 _So, I ate my soup, and he read aloud._

 _I vaguely remember what the story was about. I fell asleep soon after I finished eating, as he'd predicted. I think I was more exhausted from dealing with Missy and from the nanites invading my body than I realized. As tired as I was, it didn't matter. My body may have wanted sleep, but my brain didn't. And the nightmare that woke me, alone and afraid in my darkened bedroom a few hours later, was terrifying._

Scary, huh? Tell me about it. It was my dream. The one good thing about being dead? I won't ever have that dream again. Gotta leave you here for a while. It's Friday and Dad's taken off work. He rented a caravan at the seaside and we're going to spend the weekend there. It's the same place we used to vacation when mum was alive. It'll be nice. We'll be back on Sunday so I won't leave you hanging too long. I promise.


	3. Entry 3

**Enrty #3**

I'm back! And I had a good time in case you were wondering. Though, it got a little awkward for me right before we headed home. Everyone kept wondering how I was the only one who wasn't sun-burnt. Even my Gran, who spent most of her time sitting under an umbrella, was a little bit pink. So what else could I tell them? I told 'em I go to a tanning salon once a week and that it must have kept me from burning. It worked, though I did have to listen to a lecture from Linda on the harmful effects of tanning beds on the drive home. When she got to the part about premature aging and how the choice of men dwindles once a woman loses her looks, I almost wished I'd told them the truth. Anyways…enough about my new problem, I'm trying to address on old one.

 _Needless to say, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I put on my slippers and bathrobe and went to find the Doctor. That was easier said than done inside a box of infinite space. Tardis wasn't any help; I think she liked making me hunt for him. Cow!_

 _Finally, it was the faint "chink, chink, chink" sound that I heard coming from level five that eventually led me to him. I'd never been down that particular hallway before, and what I saw when I found him, surprised me. Peering through a half-opened doorway, I saw that he had on a dark blue knee length canvas apron and that his trademark lined jacket was draped across the back of a chair. His normally stiff white shirt was unbuttoned at the neck and the sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. Even with the apron on, he was covered from head to toe in a fine white powder that was coming off the life size marble statue he was sculpting. It was far from finished, but I could tell who it was by the curls of hair he had already sculpted._

 _I felt like I was intruding and that I should probably go, but then I noticed all the other life size statues scattered around the room. Some I recognized, some I didn't. Quite a few were covered and one was in pieces on the floor. I was so intrigued by it all I never noticed that the continual tap, tap, tapping of the chisel had stopped. His voice though, I did notice that, because it was shockingly loud._

" _What are you doing here?"_

 _He had abandoned his work, and I watched as he threw his mallet and chisel down atop a work bench. He then yanked off his apron and threw that down as well. He didn't seem pleased to see me and at the speed at which he met me at the door, I knew he wasn't._

" _I…I was looking for you." I stammered, and I had barely replied before he'd grabbed me firmly by the forearm, pushing me back into the hall while pulling the door to the room firmly closed behind him._

" _Why? Is something wrong?" He demanded._

 _I didn't like his tone and the way he was holding my arm, so I tugged myself from his grip and gave him some attitude. "No. I had a nightmare and I couldn't sleep so I came looking for you." I crossed my arms defiantly. "Is that a problem?" The hand that had held my arm now hung lost in the air and he seemed just as lost as to how to reply._

" _Sorry…it's just uh… you're usually asleep…and I uh…and I usually do things…ah, on my own while your sleeping, so I wasn't expecting you." His hand finally fell against his leg. "Sorry."_

 _Now I felt bad for making him feel bad. "It's ok." I turned and walk away, content to leave him on his own since that's obviously what he wanted, but then he started following me._

 _I tossed him a look over my shoulder. "Aren't you going to…?" And I thumbed back towards the door._

 _He stomped his feet and began shaking the dust out of his hair, "Nah, I don't like starting anything once I've stopped." I had to take a step back to avoid the cloud of dust coming off him. I was still close enough that it sent me coughing._

" _This nightmare of yours", he inquired of me when he was through patting himself down. "Do you want to tell me about it?"_

" _Not much to tell. Thought I was a Dalek. Woke up, couldn't go back to sleep. That's about the gist of it."_

" _Ah."_

 _Since I'm all about 'quid pro quo' I only thought it only fair to ask, "So, you sculpt?" I pointed to the door again. "You wanna' tell me about it?"_

" _No. Not particularly."_

 _If he'd of just said no; I would have dropped it, but the addition of 'not particularly' meant there was some wiggle room to get him to talk about it. It meant I just had to go the long way around._

" _I feel like having coffee and an English muffin, you in?" A tilt of his head, the raise of his eyebrows, and slight shrug of his shoulders were the Doctor's semaphore for yes, so we set off for the kitchen._

 _I began my subtle questioning once the coffee was ready. "So where'd you learn to do that?"_

" _What?" He must not have heard me as I clunked our mugs down on the table._

" _The chiseling?" I mimicked the hand motions." "Where'd you learn that?"_

" _Oh, you mean the sculpting." He paused, and I went back to preparing the muffins so that he'd take it as a cue to keep on talking. For a while though, the only sound in the kitchen was that of the knife scraping butter across our toasted muffins. I think it was the excessive clinking noises I made with the knife against the inside of the jam jar that finally started him talking again._

" _It was right after the Time War. I found myself kicking about Renaissance Florence and I happened to stumble upon Verrocchio's workshop. I was fascinated by the work they were doing there so asked him if I could apprentice. He laughed and said he didn't apprentice old men and then I laughed too, because had he really known how old I was, they'd of probably burned at the stake for being a witch." He paused and flashed me one of his forced grins. He probably thought that I might laugh too, but I didn't, so he continued on. "Anyway, I made him an offer he couldn't refuse. I told him I would supply my own materials. He thought I was crazy, but he agreed."_

 _I slid the Doctor's muffin across the table to him and he hurried to take a bite while it was still warm. After a second bite followed by a sip of coffee, I tried to see if I could get him to open up some more as I sat down across from him with my coffee and muffin._

" _So, what kind of stone do you use?"_

" _Marble." He glanced at me over the rim of his mug as he took another sip._

" _Is that the best?" ._

 _"For sculpting the human figure, yes"_

 _Time to push a little more. "You seem quite good at it."_

 _He reached for his last bite of muffin, but he only pushed it around on his plate, contemplating it, instead of eating it. "I've had lots of practice."_

" _You made all of those statues I saw then?"_

 _I was startled when he suddenly pushed his plate and coffee cup away and leaned towards me, crossing his arms on the table. "You're not going to let this go are you?"_

 _He had me. He knew I was fishing. All I could do now was surrender with a smile, so I picked up my muffin and waved it at him. "You know me. What do you think?"_

 _He sighed and leaned back in his chair. And I heard the wooden braces across the back creak as they took his weight. I ate my muffin as he re-crossed his arms and glared at me from beneath his brow. I thought for sure our conversation was over, but then he said…_

" _Let's get this over with. What do you want to know?"_

I sat forward and quickly dropped my last bit of muffin back onto my plate. " _The statues…I know I recognizes some of the figures, but not all of them. Who are they?"_

" _Some are beloved family and friends from my early days, a few are some amazing selfless people I've met throughout the universe, but most…most are of my past companions."_

" _But why?" I thought this question was obvious but I could tell by his confused expression he was stumped._

" _Why what?"_

" _Why do you sculpt them? I mean, I know your passionate dislike for selfies, but even you with all your Time Lord technology should have been able to capture a digital image or even taken a photograph or two. What so wrong with having a photo album?"_

" _Pfft! Life is about living!" His right hand waved about for emphasis. "It's not about stopping to say 'cheese!' in the middle of it!"_

 _I thought he was exaggerating the situation. "Oh, come on. That's a bit much!"_

 _He was still riled up, and vented his nervous energy on his poor coffee cup by turning it round and round on the table with his left hand. "Do you remember why I refused to take you to see your favorite rock band?"_

 _I knew why, but I preferred winding him up, "Because it was right after you'd regenerated and you were old and grumpy?" I succeeded in hiding my smile behind a sip of coffee, but I also succeeded in setting him off on his favorite pet-peeve._

" _No-oo! I told you then, and I'll tell you again now. I'll not attend any earth concert given after the advent of the smart phone. All the people in the audience are so busy holding up their stupid phones so that they can record the concert that they lose the experience of actually being at the concert, of just being in the moment and creating a lasting memory! And if I was to find myself in the audience with you, I wouldn't be able to see the stage because of all the bozos holding up their phones and blocking my view. But hey, at least I'll be able to see it all on their screens! And if I'd wanted to watch it on a screen, we'd might just as well stay in at your place and watch it on the telly!"_

 _I flashed him a cheeky grin to show him he'd been had._

 _He stopped playing with his mug and looked away, scrunching up his mouth in irritation. "No. I don't like photos. Thank you!" And then he looked back. "Does that clear things up?"_

" _No." It was my turn to cross my arms atop the table. "Aren't statues just a different representation of a photograph?" I had him there._

" _I'm not sculpting a likeness Clara. I'm sculpting a memory."_

 _Ok. What? "Huh?"_

" _I only sculpt from memory, and then only when a memory is so strong that the need to capture it is overwhelming. What you'll find inside that room are compilations of some of the happiest and saddest moments of my life."_

" _Wow." I didn't know what else to say._

" _Precisley."_

 _I should have left it at that, but nosey me, I never know when to stop pushing. "So the broken one? With its arms and legs all in a pile? Is that what happens when you make a mistake?"_

 _He didn't say anything, not right away, and his face betrayed nothing. He just stood up and began clearing the table. I wasn't sure if I should read anything into the clattering of the dishes into the sink. I listened for more tell-tale clues as to his mood as he rinsed them off, but all I heard was the dull white noise of aerated water . When he had finished, he turned and snatched up the dishtowel I had left on the table and he finally spoke to me as he dried his hands._

" _Since you're up, you need to grab yourself a pair of coveralls." He tossed the towel down onto the counter before tossing me a brief look. "I'm still unable to find anyone competent enough to replace the primary stack, so I'll need your help putting in a temporary support coil. Meet me there in fifteen minutes."_

 _And that was it. He left. I had pushed him too far. The statues on Level Five, corridor seven were now off limits._

I'd better stop here for now. I'm sure you don't want to hear about the ins and outs of stack maintenance and I don't think I have the time to go into what happened next. Gran has already knocked twice on my door this morning. I told her I wanted to have a bit of a lie-in this morning, but it's nearly half past nine and I don't think she'll leave me alone as late as ten. Speakin' of which…I think I hear her coming now. The hallway floorboards are creakin'.


	4. Entry 4

**Entry #4**

A quick word if I might, before I pop out this afternoon to meet up with a few of my old colleagues from Coal Hill. Someone told them I was in town and they want to meet up for drinks. Don't worry; I'll be picking up where I left off later tonight. There's just something I want to address before I go.

I've been uploading this blog-slash-journal-slash-story of mine on to the intergalactic nethersphear over the past couple of weeks now and I've been receiving some interesting comments. Some are from friends I'd made while traveling with the Doctor, but most…strangely enough, seem to be coming from random strangers. So I thought I'd take a moment to address the one that is…and there's really no nice way to put it…annoying me the most. Here's a sample of what I'm talking about.

This is an excerpt of what victorianspacegrl*Genisport*vector242.119 sent me:

"….can't you just summarize this and get on to the bit about whether you snogged her or not?"

Sure, I could do that. But hey! This is my story to tell, and I'll tell you this, life is definitely about the journey and not the destination. You can trust me on that. And if you don't trust me or my storytelling, how about you trust the Doctor, eh? He's the one who once said, "We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one." Well, that's what I'm trying to do, both literally and metaphorically.

That being said, I know I promised you I wouldn't' talk about the ins and outs of stack maintenance. Well I won't, not much. Ok, ok…I can already hear a lot of you groaning. But, I'll get to the truth about Jane soon enough. This may be the only opportunity I'll have to talk about what happened down there and how it fundamentally changed my outlook on life. Still not interested? How about I tell you the last thing I said to the Doctor when we finally finished the job. Still interested? Here it is:

"I am never getting married!"


	5. Enrty 5

**Entry #5**

Aside from dying, that had to have been the second worst day of my life. It's been…going on near six months Earth time since I'd seen any of them; and hell, it might as well have been six years, so much had changed. Gwyneth showed up with pink hair, Adrian with a wife, and Marla with a pregnant belly; and what they didn't show up with they told me about. It's still hard to believe Courtney was taking her A levels, Maebh was now two levels ahead of her peers and Bradley managed a to make it through an entire school year without hitting anyone.

What's was so bad about that you ask? It's was a harsh reminder of the road not taken, of what I missed out on making the choices that I did. Oh, I have no regrets. I lived! And I loved the life I had with the Doctor, but now that life is over. So where does that leave me? I can't go back to my old life, all chances of that are gone now that I'm dead. I can travel throughout all of time and space; but I belong nowhere. It's funny now that I think about it, I've finally become just like the Doctor. I am alone.

I hate that I've become so maudlin, but I've decided that this is it; I won't be coming home again. One more day, that's all. It'll be too hard to leave if I stay any longer…and you know what? I better stop talking about this or I'll start crying. I should just get on with my story. That's why you're here, isn't it?

 _I thought I would be standing around handing the Doctor the odd tool when he needed one. Turns out, I was the only one of us small enough to crawl up inside the main stack and replace the coil. "I'll talk you through it." He said. Fun times. The only thing that could have possibly made the job worse than what it was is if I had been claustrophobic. There was barely enough room for me, much less me with a part the size of a thermos._

 _Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the heat. Even with the shut down and the exhaust fans running in reverse to blow cold air into the chamber, the temperature in the stack never dropped below one hundred and twenty two degrees._

 _I started out this project by questioning the coveralls. "Do I have to wear this? Can't I just wear my swimsuit? I'll be a lot cooler."_

" _You can't go in there half naked. You'll contaminate the walls!"_

" _Contaminate?"_

" _The oils from your skin will contaminate the organic anti-static gel that lines the walls."_

" _The what?"_

 _He waved a couple of items at me. "You'll also need to wear these." They were a pair of nitril gloves and a head sock. Ok, it was getting worse. As I finished suiting up he showed me a picture of the stack he'd drawn up on a sheet of paper and gave me a quick tutorial._

" _You need to locate this panel..," his pen pointed to a crudely drawn square near the top of the tube, "…and then remove it, take out the coil, put in the new one and put back the panel. It's very simple."_

 _Simple, he said. I could do simple._

" _Here, you'll need this." He handed me a screwdriver._

" _Seriously?" I said. "Where's your sonic?"_

" _You can't use a sonic tool in there! Any excess sonic vibrations will cause the temporal timing pins located below the coil to lose synchronization and we'd never know when or where we'd be landing!"_

" _Ooo-kay." I slid the screwdriver into the top pocket of my coveralls and slid myself into the base of the stack, situating myself beneath the opening of the tube. It was then I saw how small it was._

 _This was impossible and I told him so, loudly, because all I could see from where I sat were his shins. "How am I supposed to work in there? I won't be able to move my arms!"_

" _You'll have to go in arms first!" He hollered back._

 _That "easy" step took about five minutes of squirming. Unscrewing a panel while standing on my tiptoes, that took a bit longer. My calf muscles began to tire and I still hadn't been able to loosen the first screw. Soon, I couldn't tell what was sweat and what was moisture coming from the gel lined tube as it slowly seeped through the fabric of my coveralls. I complained, and the next thing I knew I found myself standing on a hardbound volume of War and Peace that the Doctor slid in to help me._

(Had I only realised the symbolism at the time!)

" _What's taking so long?" He bellowed up at me._

" _These blasted screws won't budge!"_

" _Are you turning them the correct direction?_

" _Course I am! I'm not a moron! Dad taught me ages ago, righty tighty, lefty loosey!"_

" _Clara, the Tardis was not made on Earth! It's the opposite on Gallifrey!"_

(He didn't hear what I said next, and I don't think I'll repeat it here either.)

 _Another ten minutes and the panel was off._

" _Ahhhh!"_

" _Clara! What's wrong?"_

 _Aaacck…*sputter*…pthooey! "Ahhhh!"_

 _I squirmed back down the stack and threw the panel out the hatch, wiggling and flopping my way out behind it. My vision was blurred but I could see the Doctor was bent over clutching his shin._

 _He growled at me. "What did you do that for?"_

 _I wiped at the thick brown gel that was now coating my face, sputtering and spewing to keep it from getting into my mouth again. "Rag!" I yelled at him._

 _He just kept on rubbing._

" _Rag, rag, rag!" I flailed my hands hoping that sign language might help._

 _He got the message and hobbled over and back from his workbench._

" _Here."_

 _I snatched it from his hand and began wiping the foul tasting liquid from off my face. The oily rag he'd handed me didn't taste much better. Still, the gunk was finally out of my eyes and nose._

" _Why didn't you tell me all this disgusting gel was going to pour down on me when the panel came off?" I was miffed._

" _Because it doesn't normally happen."_

" _So why am I so lucky?"_

 _His hand made a quick flourish over his head. "Because normally, this part is replaced from above, not below."_

 _I was standing now, hands on my hips. "Above? You mean I don't need to be crawling up this damn tube?"_

" _Well, there's the rub." He snickered and flashed one of his telling grins. "We can't get to it from above. Not without a console hoist…and I don't have one."_

" _Of course not." I grumbled, consigning myself to my fate. "Let's get this over with. What's next?"_

 _He held up the new part and explained. "You're going to grab the handle, turn the unit to the right till you hear a click, then pull it out till it stops and then turn it back to the left till it clicks again and then you can pull it all the way out."_

 _I couldn't help myself. "Will that be your right or my right?"_

 _All I got was a glare in response._

" _Will there be more of that brown gunk spilling out when I pull the part?"_

" _Probably." He said._

" _Why is it brown anyway? The gel on the walls is clear."_

" _The gel is clear; the brown color is just the waste by-product produced by the organic gel when it's in direct contact with a power source._

" _Eeew!" ._

" _It's perfectly sterile."_

 _I just rolled my eyes. "I'm covered in shi…!"_

" _It's a lot cleaner than what's in our mouth." He cut me off._

 _I ignored his entendre and held out my hand. "Goggles!"_

 _The simple demand seemed to confuse him. "What?"_

" _I need a pair of goggles if you want me to go back in there."_

 _It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Fine." He returned to his work bench and I heard things being moved around. "Aha!" He must have found a pair. I knew I had to be pre-emptive after the rag debacle._

" _Clean ones!"_

 _He dropped the ones he'd found and I heard him mumbling to himself as he ran upstairs. His footsteps echoed loudly as he stomped across the metal flooring above my head and I busied myself with cleaning off the rest of the gunk from my head. He soon returned with a new pair of goggles. He handed them to me and I handed him back his dirty and now gel soaked rag. He dangled it between his thumb and forefinger for a moment before letting it drop to a loud splat at his feet._

" _Hmmm," was all I said, locking eyes with him. He knew what I was thinking. I slid my goggles down and slid back into the chamber before he could comment. Another five minutes of shimmying had me back in place with my hand on the coil. I gave it a turn to the right. It wouldn't budge. I tried again. Nothing. I tried to wiggle it. Still nothing._

" _It's not budging!"_

" _Are you turning it to the right?"_

" _Yes!_

" _Give it a wiggle!"_

" _Done that!"_

" _Try harder!"_

" _I am trying harder! You think I'm playing in here? I'm about to have a heat stroke!"_

" _With all that gel inside it should be easy to turn and slide out!"_

" _Well it's not! Can you check the Tardis manual? See what it says!"_

" _Manual? You think I don't know how to replace a coil? I don't need a manual!"_

 _Oh. My. God! I couldn't believe he just said that. "Well, if you don't need a manual, then I'm gonna need a hammer or a crowbar to get this thing loose!"_

 _There was no reply._

" _Well?"_

 _Still nothing._

" _Hello!"_

 _He finally spoke up. "Hang on! I'll be right back!" I heard him run off. About a minute later I heard him running back._

" _Ok, try it now!"_

 _This time it worked, and I was able to go through all the steps to remove the unit. Wiggling back out while holding it above my head was no simple task and having to go back up with the new one was sure to be even harder. I crawled over to the hatch and handed the Doctor the old part. "So why was it stuck?"_

" _It just needed prodding," he mumbled. I could tell by the way he avoided eye contact and the overly keen interest he was taking in examining the old part in his hand that there was something he was not telling me, so I climbed out and stood in front of him._

" _Prodding?" I said, trying to prod the truth from him._

" _Yes, prodding." He repeated._

 _Not good enough. I stepped forward and invaded his space. He had to look at me now. Instead, he turned away and carried the part to his workbench. I followed. He picked up the replacement part and tried to hand it to me but I refused to take it till he looked at me. When he finally did, he quickly broke under my stare._

" _I may have forgotten to release the coil clamps."_

 _He didn't need to be a telepath to read my mind. I'm sure my expression said it all. I never said a word. I just took the part from his hands and then silently fuming, went back to work. And it was some time between installing the coil and replacing the panel that I had my epiphany. I'd seen this scenario play out before._

 _The first time, I must have been about five or six, because my granddad was still alive. I was spending the weekend with them, and I remember this day in particular because it was the day the drain pipe sprung a leak beneath the kitchen sink. Gran wanted to call a plumber, but granddad argued that he could fix it himself. That argument went on for a while. Gran never stood a chance, though in hindsight I understood why she put up such a fight. She knew what was to come._

 _Granddad:_

" _The other wrench."_

" _No, not that one!"_

" _The pipe wrench! The heavy red one!"_

" _Quick. Give me a rag!" Hurry, woman!"_

" _Ok, turn on the water."_

" _Turn it off! Turn it off!"_

" _Bloody hell, you almost drowned me!"_

" _I didn't forget a flange!"_

" _Well, why didn't you say something? Now I have to take it all apart!"_

 _The second time was with my parents. My mom wanted to buy a potting bench she'd seen at the home improvement store. Dad said he could build her one for half the price._

 _Dad: "What did you do with the nails?"_

 _Mom: I don't have them."_

 _Dad: "I gave them to you."_

 _Mom: "No you didn't."_

 _Dad: "Yes I did."_

 _They eventually found them underneath the jacket she'd taken off._

 _Mom: "One of these legs you cut isn't even."_

 _Dad: "I cut them how you marked them."_

 _Mom: "I used the straight edge you gave me."_

 _Dad: "You must have done something wrong."_

 _She eventually found the scrap piece of wood with half of her pencil line still visible on it from where his saw veered off line._

 _Mom: Why didn't you use screws? You keep bending the nail heads."_

 _Dad: It's not me! It's these cheap Chinese nails they sell these days."_

 _Mom: "Still, why not screws?"_

 _Dad: "The battery is dead on the drill."_

 _Mom: "So why not recharge it?"_

 _Dad: "Ow!" He'd hammered his thumb. "I can't find the sodding charger! That's why!"_

 _Mom: "Is it supposed to wobble?"_

 _Dad: "No, it's not supposed to wobble! I told you, it's those cheap Chinese nails!"_

 _He eventually had to nail it to the small shed by the back patio to keep it from wobbling._

 _I could see that history was repeating itself today; and as I crawled out from beneath the stack for the last time, the Doctor greeted me with this:_

" _Finally!"_

 _I didn't reply. Not right away. First I pulled off my goggles and gloves and tossed them to the floor. I then pulled off my soggy head sock and threw square at his chest. It hit him with a loud wet smack._

" _I am never getting married!" I blurted out before storming off._

 _The Doctor never did comment on what I said. He just spent the rest of the day quietly mopping up the trail of slime I'd left behind._

'Nuff said! Thanks for putting up with me. I just had to get this off my chest. I'm sure you can see why, now. Anyways…don't give up on finding out the truth just yet. I promise you, what happened next is what landed me on her doorstep.


	6. Entry 6

**Entry# 6**

I'm sorry. It's been a few days since my last entry, but saying goodbye to my family for the last time was rough. Ashildr picked me up in our Tardis and we've been hanging out on the outskirts of the Milky Way. I'm not much in the mood for traveling right now, so I've spent time out here wrapping up the vestiges of my life, putting together my last Will and Testament so to speak. I can't let them spend the rest of their lives wondering what has happened to me. My family should have closure. I've talked it over with Ashildr and she's agreed to help. When the day comes I choose to I make that final trip back to Gallifrey, she will deliver my video diary to my family the day after I left them. In it I will explain everything, tell them how much I love them, and ask them for their forgiveness for not being brave enough to tell them in person. I'll film it later; don't think I can do it right now, what with me still crying and all. What I can do though…is distract myself by continuing to try and clear up this rumor.

 _The next couple of days were relatively boring. I was still under quarantine as far as the Doctor was concerned and no amount of nagging for an adventure could get him to change his mind. The nightmare that kept waking me every night made time aboard the Tardis drag by. So with nothing better to do, and the Doctor avoiding me as much as possible, I spent my time exploring. I rarely had the opportunity to go below deck five, and I wondered what I might find. I found quite a lot. A couple of times I even found the Doctor. I got the impression it annoyed him when I did stumble across him, though I didn't understand why; he didn't seem to be doing anything too personal, not like when I caught him sculpting his dead wife._

 _The next time I bumped into him was when I found the car park. I knew he had a motorcycle, what I didn't realize was that he had a fleet of vehicles. There were more six bikes in addition to the one I'd ridden on. They ranged from a bright blue Vespa to a giant American Harley with hologramatic flames on the tank. Next I found a UNIT Range Rover, a nondescript white panel van, and a lorry, (seriously. A lorry?). But, what really caught my eye was the tank. Why did he have a tank? I'd have to ask him about that one. I kept on wandering, past British and American sports cars, through a section of futuristic looking cars, some looked like they hovered. These sci-fi cars soon gave way to earth cars again, they were all early 20_ _th_ _century by the look of them, and it was in this section that I found him._

 _It was a loud banging noise that brought me to him. It was coming from beneath a boxy looking yellow jalopy. "Hey. Hey!" I tried to get his attention but he couldn't hear me over the banging, so I tapped him on one of his legs sticking out from under the car._

" _Ow!" I must have startled him because the last loud bang was his head. He slid out on a creeper rubbing his forehead. "What are you doing here?" He growled._

" _I was just wandering."_

 _He struggled to keep the creeper from rolling away while he sat up. "In your nightgown. He frowned at me. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"_

 _I crossed my arms and replied flippantly, "Shouldn't you?"_

 _He just gave me a look that said I already know the answer to that question so why did I bother to ask it._

 _I chose to ignore it. "So, whatcha' doin'?"_

 _He looked back at the car. "I'm trying to give Bessie an oil change. But her plug seems to be stuck."_

 _I smirked. "You've named it Bessie?"_

 _He turned back to me, clearly annoyed by my question. "What's wrong with that?"_

" _Nothing." I said innocently, before poking him some more. "Named it after an old girlfriend, did ya?"_

 _There went the eyebrows, from annoyed to cross. "No!"_

 _I didn't reply to his adamant denial. I just wandered round the car till he felt the need to explain._

" _If you must know, I named it after my favorite singer."_

 _I gave him a brief glance. "And who might that be?"_

" _Shirley Bassey."_

" _Who?"_

 _His face fell. "Seriously? You don't know one of earth's most iconic female singers of the mid twentieth century?"_

 _I chose not to focus on who she was; I had to comment on the name instead. "Wait, why are you calling it Bessie and not Bassey?"_

 _He hesitated. "Ah…because."_

 _I wanted an answer. "Because, why?"_

 _He exhaled his resignation loudly through his nose. "Because,I didn't want the Brigadier to get the wrong idea? That's why."_

" _Wrong idea?"_

" _Yes. He knew how much I enjoyed her music. I just didn't want him to read anything into it."_

 _I couldn't help grinning at him. "You didn't want him to know what a fan-boy crush you had on her. Am I right?"_

 _That touched a nerve. "Look, I'm busy here." He waved the back of is hand at me. "Can't you go wander elsewhere?"_

 _I didn't let his dismissal bother me. "Sure." I gave him a final smile. "I'll leave you two alone."_

 _I could hear him grumbling to himself as I walked away._

 _The next time I accidentally ran into him was on deck eight. I had to skip deck seven. (Don't know what happened there but the floors were disgusting and the whole place stank.) And when I arrived on deck eight I could hear music echoing through the halls. I followed the sound and it led me to a music room, and to the Doctor._

 _I called it a music room because it was packed with hundreds of instruments; a lot I recognized and some I didn't, but it was actually more than that. There was also a complete sound studio in the room, and that's were I saw the Doctor. He was sitting on stool in front of a mic inside the soundroom and he was recording a song with his guitar. Well, writing and recording, actually. I could see him stop every now and then to make changes to sheet music on the stand next to him. I stood there a while, quietly watching, because I didn't want to interrupt and also because I found the song so intriguing. I didn't get to watch for long though, his Time Lord radar must have picked up on my prescience because he suddenly stopped playing and looked in my direction. He flicked a switch on the mic stand and his voice filled the room._

" _Are you following me?"_

 _I moved further inside so that he could see me better. "No, just exploring again." I pointed up into the air. "I heard the music. Wondered where it was coming from, that's all."_

 _He stood up, flipped the switch off, and deposited his guitar onto a stand before joining me in the main room._

" _Why did you stop? I liked it."_

 _He slid his hands into his front pockets with a semi-shrug. "Needs work."_

" _What's it called?"_

 _He looked down at his feet. (I knew he was about to lie to me; this was his tell.) "I… uh, …it isn't called anything. Yet."_

" _Hmmm." I could only wonder why he lied, but I knew better than to press the issue, so I turned to go. "I'll leave you to it then."_

" _Uh...that's ok…"_

 _He was trying to be polite, but he sucked at it._

" _I'm not…you…you…you don't have too…"_

 _I waved him off. "No, no, it's alright. You go back to what you were doing. I've got some more wandering around to do._

 _I think I heard him say "ok" as I headed out the door._

 _After that incident, I decided that if I couldn't sleep, I'd limit myself to the media room on deck one or the library on deck two. I thought there'd be less chance of me running into him there. Boy was I wrong. Well, I wasn't completely wrong. Not about the media room or the library, just the deck two part. And what happened wasn't even all my fault, but I couldn't tell him that…Nooo!_

 _It happened like this. I was leaving the library and heading back to my room with a book when I passed by the swimming pool. The door was left open and that's how I noticed the ripples in the water. I couldn't believe that he was in there. He never went swimming. He told me so every time I asked him to join me. So naturally, I had to see what it could be._

 _I couldn't see much at first. It's a deep pool and the ripples were beginning to die down, but I finally noticed some bubbles coming up along the right side of the pool about fifty meters away. I made my way over and looked down into the water, and that's when I saw the Doctor's fully clothed shape lying on the bottom of the pool. I was confused. He said he never swam, and yet there he was in the pool. But if he was swimming, then why was he in his suit of clothes? I decided to wait and see if he popped up. The wait became agonizing long. Minutes passed, the bubbles stopped, and I began to worry._

 _What if the reason he didn't swim was because he couldn't swim? What if he'd accidentally fallen in? What if he was drowning? He wasn't moving! My panic got the better of me and so I jumped in. FYI, jumping into a pool wearing a nightgown, not the best idea. It bunched up around my head and almost drowned me. I got it pulled back down though and swam down to where the Doctor was still lying motionless on the bottom. His arms seemed pinned behind his back and eyes were closed. When I reached out and grabbed him by the arm to pull him up, his eyes popped open. I don't know which one of us was more surprised._

 _I tugged at his arm again, but he pulled away shaking his head. Ok, now I was confused. He didn't want leave? Still, something wasn't right. I soon noticed what it was, it was his arms, they were still pinned awkwardly behind his back. I tried to swim around behind him but he moved away and shook his head again…so I waited. When he saw that I wasn't leaving he began looking up and nodding his head to the side of the pool. I took the subtle hint and swam back to the top. I pulled myself out and waited by the side for him to finish what ever the hell it was he was doing down there._

 _A few minutes later his head broke the surface and he grabbed for the side of the pool, sputtering and spitting out water as he wiped at his eyes. "What are you doing?" The_ _high pitched tone of is voice told me he was anything but happy._

" _I thought I was saving you!" I barked back._

 _He looked up at me, and his eyes went as big as moons before he quickly looked away. "I don't need saving, thank you!"_

 _He may not have needed saving but I still wanted answers. "What the hell were you doing down there?"_

 _The next thing I knew, a pair of handcuffs landed with a thump at my feet. "I was practicing!"_

 _I picked them up. "Practicing?"_

" _Yes, practicing!"_

" _What? Drowning!" He was still wouldn't look at me and it was starting to piss me off._

" _No, escaping!"_

" _Do you have to do it in the pool? You scared the hell out of me!"_

" _I'll put up a "Keep Out" sign next time!"_

" _What is your problem?"_

 _He stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around instead of answering me._

 _I was not going to be ignored. "Well?"_

 _He tried dismissing me instead. "Can I have my handcuffs back please?"_

" _These?" I dangled them in front of me, determined to make him to face me. When he finally did turn around, I suddenly wished he hadn't. There was something about the way he looked at me. He started at my feet for a moment before his eyes slowly make it up to my face. He reached for the handcuffs._

" _Thank you," was all he said, and as soon as he had his handcuffs back he pushed away from the wall and floated lazily away while continuing to stare at me. It unnerved me so much that I didn't stick around for his next escape attempt._

 _I was wet and freezing, so I hurried back to my room while trying to understand why he was acting so strange. I didn't have to wait long to get an answer. When I entered my bathroom there it was in the mirror staring back at me. The polka-dotted, yellow and white cotton nightgown that had failed to kill me earlier was now hoping I would die of mortification. I looked like I'd just come from a wet t-shirt contest…only this was worse, because the thin fabric of my underwear was just as see thru as my wet nightgown. I might as well have been naked! So that's why he wouldn't…oh…wait a minute! He did!_

 _I managed to avoid him the next day, or he avoided me. Either way we had a reprieve from each other and from the awkwardness of that "incident". When we finally met up again the following day, I would have almost believed he'd forgotten all about it if it wasn't for the fact he'd suddenly lifted the quarantine and was busying himself by programming the coordinates of our next destination. (Avoidance, it's what we're best at.) I asked him where we where going, but he wouldn't say. He just gave me one of his quick forced smiles and said it was a surprise._

 _I wanted to ask him if another surprise was something either of us really needed, but I bit back my sarcasm instead and just went along for the ride._

Well there it is! I'm sure you can guess what his surprise was, and you wouldn't be wrong…not exactly. I didn't know what to expect, but when all was said and done, it turned into one helluva a surprise. Especially for the Doctor!


	7. Entry 7

**Entry# 7**

I know it took a while to get here, but I'd never have wound up on Jane Austen's doorstep if the Doctor hadn't been so fed up with me. I didn't blame him for being frustrated. That was the most time I'd ever spent aboard the Tardis at any one time and I know it had to be difficult for him. The Tardis is his private sanctuary and there I was invading his space….although it wasn't on purpose. He just didn't realize how much his duty of care would interfere with his down time.

" _You need to change you outfit," he said above the groaning of the time rotor._

 _I looked down at my belted tunic dress, black stockings and sensible shoes. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"_

" _Nothing…that isn't inappropriate for nineteenth century England."_

 _I liked dressing up as much as the next girl, but seriously? "Why is it that I'm the one who always has to change clothes? You never do!"_

 _He put his hand to his chest in defense. "Is it my fault your gender has been endowed with the need adorn itself in all manner of clothing in an effort to attract the male of your species?"_

 _I knew it was pointless to question any reply he put in the form of a documentary, "Whatever." So I went off to change. When I returned, nearly a half hour later, I found the console room quiet and the Tardis door wide open. I guess he got tired of waiting._

 _When I stepped outside I found him standing beside a horse and carriage with a smug smile on his face._

" _Found us a ride while I waited."_

 _I looked around. I could just make out a dirt road and a low hedgerow that we'd landed next to in the moonless night. It never failed to amaze me how he always managed to find transportation in the middle of nowhere and I'd long since given up on asking how. The explanations would nearly always turn out to be just as unbelievable as was leaving it a mystery. I strode forward and gave him my hand so that he could help me up into the small two wheeled carriage. I thanked him and gathered my skirts so that he could sit next to me._

" _So, when and where are we?"_

" _It's 1817 and we are on the outskirts of Chawton." He flicked the reigns and we trundled off into the night._

" _Chawton…Chawton. Now why does that sound familiar?" He didn't reply, obviously wanting me to suss it out for myself. I was used to that._

" _Oh!...Oh! We're not?" He tried to hide a smile but I saw thet crinkle in his left cheek._

" _Oh my god! We are…aren't we?"_

" _Yes, we are. It's about time you met the woman you've been prattling on about all these years."_

 _I was tempted to squee, but he never let me live down the way I acted when he took me to meet Marcus Aurelius, so I bit my lip and let the urge pass. "So, what's the occasion?"_

" _No occasion. I just thought enough time has finally passed since you met your last idol, that presently, you might be able to conduct yourself in a more appropriate manner."_

" _Says the man who developed a stutter when he met Gahndi."_

" _Yes, and thanks again for spoiling that encounter for me."_

 _I knew where this was headed. But this time he relented before we ever got started. "Let's not bring up the past again, shall we?"_

" _Fine." I filled the ensuing silence with smoothing out my dress to keep any wrinkles from setting. I was too excited to stay quiet for long, though._

" _I'm gonna' meet Jane Austen!"_

 _I heard him snort a laugh._

 _.._

 _The orange glow of dawn was beginning to brighten the horizon when we finally made it to one of the two roads that led in and out of Chawton, a town so small that if you blinked, even while creeping along in a carriage, you would miss it. There was one thing I couldn't miss though; it was the smell! The closer we got o the center of town the more it smelled like, like… an ashtray. A wet ashtray! The Doctor didn't seem to notice; he was too engrossed in his role as tour guide._

"… _and coming up on our right is Chawton Manor, home to Jane's brother, Edward Austen Knight. Did you know he was essentially given over to his fathers relatives, Thomas and Catherine Knight at about twelve years of age and that they formally adopted him, hence the name Austen Knight, and it was this brother who let Jane and her mother live in Chawton cottage." And did you know…"_

 _I tuned out much of what he was saying, as I thoroughly knew most of the information he was telling me. I was more interested in the smell. "What is that?"_

" _Its Chawton house, I told you…"_

" _No." He misunderstood my question. "I'm talking about the smell."_

 _He sniffed the air a few times. "Hmm...the smell of charred wood, faint hint of smoke and the strong pungent odor of dampened ash. It could only mean one thing."_

" _What's that?"_

" _There was a fire somewhere nearby."_

 _I could have told him that. "Obviously."_

 _He sniffed again. "Smell is getting stronger."_

 _We continued on another quarter mile down the road and that's when we saw it, the burned out husk of a two story brick cottage. My mouth fell open in surprise and I grabbed the Doctor's arm. "No…this can't be right. I know her family history. When she was born, where she lived, all about her years in Chawton Cottage…there was no mention of a fire…ever!"_

 _He pulled the carriage to a halt and we both sat there observing the blackened husk of the once historical cottage. Moments later I heard the chirping of the Doctor's sunglasses. "Something is very wrong here." He jumped down from the carriage and headed through the blackened doorway. I was right behind him. The crunching of charred rubble beneath our feet drowned out the early morning symphony of bugs and bird calls. A shiver ran up my spine and a wave of nausea washed over me. I pressed a hand to my stomach._

" _What is that?"_

 _The Doctor crouched down, picked up a piece of rubble and scanned it. "The char pattern on this wood indicates an inter-dimensional phenomenon occurred here. What you're feeling is the residual effects."_

" _A what?"_

" _An inter-dimensional phenomenon. It's what happens when realities collide."_

" _What would cause something like that…and why here?" I still could not believe what I was seeing._

 _The Doctor didn't answer right away. He was busy running his hands over one of the scorched walls. A moment later I watched as he sniffed his left palm and then licked it. "Hmm."_

 _I scrunched my nose at him. "And what did that taste like?"_

 _He turned to me and pulled off his sunglasses. By the look in his eyes, I knew I wouldn't like his answer. "Murder."_

 _That one word felt like a punch to the gut. "Oh my god…"_

 _He gave a nod to my realization. "Yes."_

" _But…but…" I couldn't get the next question out of my mouth as he brushed past me and further into the house. I stood there a moment in shock before hurrying to catch up._

 _When I found him he was scanning again and I couldn't help but persist._

" _But she can't be." I couldn't even say the word. I couldn't even think it._

" _Nothings certain," was his offhanded reply as he focused his attention on the ceiling._

" _Then why did you say murder?"_

 _He turned to face me and held up his hand. "Lipids."_

" _Lipids?"_

" _Yes. There were traces of lipids in the soot on the wall."_

 _Human fat. His methods of deduction disgusted me sometimes. "But you don't know who was murdered, right? I mean…it might not be her."_

 _He just stared at me. Those dark shades revealing nothing… so I snatched them off his face. "Talk to me."_

 _He snatched them back. "Look, I don't knooow. I just have…ahh, a hunch."_

" _A hunch? You never have hunches. Just facts."_

" _And the odds." He crooked his finger at me. "Come on."_

 _Returning the way we came, we exited the gloom and emerged back into the morning light. It was blinding. So much so, that we both heard the man before we saw him._

" _Here there! What are you doing in there?"_

 _By the time I'd raised my hand to shade my eyes, I noticed the Doctor had his psychic paper out and was holding it up to the man's face._

 _The man slapped it away. "I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?"_

 _The doctor flashed the blank page at me and shrugged his shoulders before replying. "We...are here on behalf of His Majesty's Secret Service."_

 _The rather large, balding, middle aged man looked confused. "His majesty's what?"_

" _Secret Service."_

 _The man was scowling now. "Never heard of it."_

" _That's because it's a secret." The doctor grinned at me and I just rolled my eyes._

" _And what service are you to meant be performing?"_

" _Ah, well it's not so much a service as it is a kind of…secret investigation and uh… protection brigade. Look, I'll need you to answer a few questions."_

 _The man still looked doubtful._

" _It's for King and Country." The Doctor added._

" _Well…If it's for the King, sir. Ask your questions."_

" _Did you know the family that lived here?"_

 _The man tugged at his waistcoat as his scowl turned to sorrow. "I…I did."_

" _Did anybody survive?"_

 _I know I should have expected it, but the bluntness of the Doctor's question jarred me as well and I cut him a reproaching glare as we waited for a reply. The Doctor pulled his flash cards from his jacket pocket but I snagged them before he could say something more inappropriate and I stuffed them into my small handbag. As we both turned our attention back to the man, he was shaking his head._

" _Sadly, no."_

" _Jane?!" I gasped_

" _And her mother and her sister. I'd known them since they moved here." He glanced up at the house. "I work as caretaker for Master Knight at the main house and he sent me to help the ladies from time to time…bless their souls."_

 _There was an awkward moment of silence before the Doctor blurted out, "Sorry for your loss," and tried to steer me back to our carriage. I shook his hand off my arm._

" _Doctor!" He may have gotten the sentiment right, but he really needed to work on its execution._

 _He turned us both away from the caretaker and whispered brusquely in my ear. "Clara, we don't have time for sentiment."_

" _I know that. Just give me a minute." I turned back to the man still sanding behind us. "I'm sorry; we're in a bit of a hurry, but thank you for your time."_

 _He nodded at us and now it was my turn to grab the Doctors arm and usher us towards the carriage. "See… a polite 'thank you' is all you needed to add to that."_

" _Yes, teach," he huffed at me as he helped me into the carriage._

 _We rode off at a quick pace, the Doctor obviously in a hurry to return to the Tardis. I knew better than to pester him with the questions swirling around inside my brain. I knew he had plenty of his own._

 _The Doctor dropped me off at the Tardis and left to return our ride from wherever he had procured it from. Alone inside, I made a bee-line for the console. I yanked the screen around to the keyboard and brought up Jane Austen's history. I was shocked to read that she had died in an unexplained house fire on March 22_ _nd_ _1817\. And what was worse, it was reported that her last unpublished manuscript, Northanger Abbey was lost as well._

 _No. It couldn't be! Northanger Abbey was not her last story. I ran to the bookshelf I had appropriated for myself up on the catwalk. Yes! They were still there, my hardcopy volumes of Northanger Abbey, Persuasion and Sandition. I carried them all back down and settled into a jumpseat to await the Doctors return._

 _He was questioning me as soon as he walked through the door. "So, what did you find out?"_

 _I gathered up my books and met him at the console. "Tardis database says she died in the fire. I thumped the books down in front of him. "It says none of these stories were ever published."_

" _Then they weren't," he replied, staring down at me._

" _But…"_

" _Clara you know how this works," he cut me off before I could continue. "Her death was obviously not a fixed point in time."_

" _But why her? Why now? Just went you decided to take me to meet her."_

 _He turned away, which meant he was holding something back from me. As usual, I was going to have to play fifty questions to pry it out of him._

 _I pursued him as he made his way around the console towards the flight control lever. "And why did you say murder? What is it that you're not telling me?_

 _He sighed as he rested his hand atop the lever. "There was something else."_

" _Something else? What?"_

" _Back at the house. I detected…something else."_

" _And you didn't tell me…Why?"_

" _Because…," he hesitated._

 _I narrowed my gaze and gave him my disapproving teacher stare._

"… _because I also detected Artron energy."_

 _I felt a drop in my stomach drop that was soon followed by a flair of anger. "Doctor, you knew! You knew that it might be her and you kept this to yourself!" He flinched, but I didn't let up. "Did we or did we not have a discussion about this?" I put my hands to my hips and waited._

 _His reply just infuriated me more. "Clara, your talking and my agreeing does not constitute a discussion."_

 _I turned away in frustration threw my arms up in defeat. "Arrrrrrh!"_

" _Clara…"_

 _I kept walking away._

" _Clara…I don't know for sure it's her… it could be…"_

" _So why didn't you say something! I turned and snapped, cutting him off._

" _Because I never assume, I need proof!"_

" _And you don't think that Artron energy, one of the chief energy sources of a Tardis, is enough proof? Besides you, do you know of any other Time Lord running around in a Tardis mucking up the universe?"_

" _I do not muck up!" He protested._

 _I couldn't help but roll my eyes and mumbled back, "Yeeaah…how about I rephrase that for you?"_

 _He just scowled back at me._

" _So what are we going to do?"_

 _He didn't say anything. He just yanked down the flight lever._

" _Doctor!" I quickly engaged the hand brake. "We can't leave! We have to fix this!"_

" _Clara, I do not go around fixing things." He reached for the handbrake, but I slapped his hand off._

" _But what about those stories?" I pointed the books on the console. "The ones that will never get written?"_

 _He was rubbing his stinging hand. "They weren't even her best works and besides, nobody in this timeline will even miss them."_

" _But I will!"_

" _No you won't." He quit rubbing and pointed at the stack books. "You have your own copies!"_

 _My frustration with him was growing, and as I rubbed at my forehead I noticed it was bringing on a headache as well. I refused to argue anymore, so I deliberately went and gathered up my books…_

" _Clara…"_

… _and left him standing there._

" _Clara!"_

* * *

Well, well. You might want to stick around. There's more to this than meets the eye! I'd like to continue, but Ashilder just popped her head in to tell me she's finally fixed the Chameleon circuit. (Care to guess how many years that took?) I can't wait to see it in action. Oh, the places we can go to now! Be back soon!

( Yeah, I know I've said that before. But it's a universal blog, you'll all still be around by the time I post again. Promise!)


	8. Enrty 8

**Entry# 8**

Well, I can definitively tell you why the type 40 Tardis was mothballed: Defective chameleon circuit! Ashilder got it working again…if you can call a crap-shoot of images… fixed! We parked a yacht on the Nile in ancient Egypt, a giant Saguaro cactus in the Blue Drawing Room of Buckingham Palace and an antique carousel in the cargo bay of the 32nd century starliner Odysseus. Needless to say, she had to disconnect the circuit and the template has reset to the diner again. Oh well. It's not your problem, is it? You are here to find out what happened next. So, let's get to it.

 _He found me (an hour later) sulking in the library. I heard him before I saw him, his boots scuffing on the floor and the slide of a book being pulled from a nearby shelf. I flinched when I heard the book being snapped shut and I turned to face him._

" _What do you want?"_

 _He slid the book back in its place. "Why is this so important?"_

 _I sighed. "Because…"_

" _That's no answer,"_

" _Will you let me finish!" I snapped back._

 _He didn't reply. He just crossed his arms and waited._

 _I got up off the couch and rounded on him, waving my arms at the bookcases surrounding us. "What's the point of all this? All these books you've collected here?"_

 _He still said nothing, just narrowed his eyes at me, so I reached over and pulled out the book he had just put back and opened it to the cover page._

" _Hmmm…a signed first edition of Great Expectations." I ripped out the page._

" _Hey!" He snatched the book from me and I casually let the page drop to the floor._

" _What's the problem? I asked, as he bent down to pick up the desecrated page. "Dickens could be killed before he ever wrote it, so it wouldn't mean anything…I mean as far as literary history is concerned." I reached for another book…_

… _and he grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Ok. Fine. Point taken." He let go and I crossed my arms._

" _So?" I asked._

 _He didn't say anything right away. I knew he was never one to make rash decisions. I watched as he placed the torn page back into the book and then carefully return it to its place. He then spent a moment running his hands across the spines of several adjacent volumes._

 _As soon as his hands stopped moving I knew he'd made a decision. He cut me a glance. "It won't be easy."_

 _I smiled encouragingly at him. "When is it ever easy?"_

" _We'll be creating a lie of historic proportion."_

" _History will never know."_

 _He held my gaze before replying. "No. No it won't."_

 _He turned away and beckoned for me to follow, and as he passed through the doorway I thought I heard him mumble under his breath. It sounded like he said, "But I will."_

 _Back in the console room I discovered how simple and yet how complicated it would be._

" _First, we'll have to break into the British Library and steal Jane Austen's existing manuscripts."_

" _Steal?"_

" _Yes, steal. You have a problem with that?" He began typing in the library coordinates._

" _No, no."_

 _He verified his entry on screen._

" _We…will return them. Won't we?"_

" _Of course." He pulled down on the flight lever. "Just not right away."_

 _..._

 _The Doctor told me this wouldn't be easy. He just never said it would be so…bloody boring._

 _Scritch, scritch. Tink tink. Scritch, scritch, scritch. Tink tink. Scritch, scritch, scritch, scritch, scritch, scritch. Tink tink. Scritch, scritch, scritch, scritch. Tink tink._

 _I must have sighed louder than I realized because the noises stopped and the Doctor commented. "What's wrong?"_

 _I turned from the window I'd been staring out of. "Nothing."_

" _Really?" He slid a pair of reading glasses down his nose to look at me. "That's the seventh time you've sighed aloud in the last half hour."_

" _Sorry." I swung my arms and then clasped my hands I front of me. "There's just nothing for me to do."_

" _Yes, well I said it wouldn't be easy."_

" _Since when did "not easy" become a euphemism for boring?"_

 _He fitted the dip pen in his hand into the holder on his writing desk. "The slow path, Clara, has never been easy, but you don't hear me complaining." He blew on the newly inked page he'd been forging. "Why don't you go and mingle with the locals?"_

 _I plopped down onto a hard settee, as much as one can plop in a multi layered stiff jacketed frock. "You said we needed to keep a low profile."_

 _"Low profile does not mean hiding. Go," he shooed at me with the back of his hand, "Explore. But stay out of trouble."_

" _What about you? Don't you want a break?"_

 _He shifted back around, "I just want to finish this so we can go, so the fewer distractions the better."_

 _He just called me a distraction, so I got up and headed for the door. "I'll leave you too it then." I left, with neither of us saying goodbye._

 _The walk to town gave me plenty of time to reflect on the Doctor's simple plan._

 _..._

 _The Doctor moved the Tardis fifty kilometers north east of Chawton, closer to the larger town of Guildford, and set about procuring us a secluded cottage just on the outskirts of town. He also procured us a horse and carriage and a caretaker to see after the horse and us, of course. When I asked why we were going to all this trouble, he said it was the only way to create the perfect forgery. This was his plan, to forge all of her manuscripts. "Simple", he said. I questioned his idea of simplicity._

" _Don't you have some kind of hi-tech way to forge them on the Tardis?"_

" _Why yes, I'll just use the Jane Austen font and print them all out on crisp sheets of A4."_

 _I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm._

" _It has to be done the hard way to preserve the historical accuracy of the documents. The slightest contaminant from the wrong era or environment can become trapped in the ink and could potentially be detected upon future forensic examination."_

" _So, how long do you think it will take you?"_

" _It all depends. I'll have to procure pens and paper. The average writing speed of a dip pen is approximately twenty words per minute. I'll have to divide that by words per manuscript, minus time for dinners, cat naps, personal breaks, inclement weather, native uprisings…"_

 _He was getting off track. "Doctor!"_

" _Yesss?"_

" _I don't need specifics, just a rough estimate."_

 _He gave his chin a thoughtful rub. "Hmmm, I'd say…about two and a half to three months."_

" _Three months. I can do three months. What about you? You sure you can sit still that long?"_

" _Ppfth! I once sat through the original production of Le Miserable, I think I can sit through a few months of nineteenth century England."_

" _So what about me? What will I get to do for three months?"_

 _He flashed a smile at me. "Your apartment was always passably clean whenever I dropped by and other than that Christmas turkey debacle, you do cook up a decent Shepard's pie." He kept on grinning, as if it might soften the blow._

" _A maid! I get to be your maid?"_

" _Nooo. Men during this time don't have maids, they have butlers. You'll be mm…mm…my ward." He paused a second. "Who will also do all the cooking and cleaning."_

 _He knew what my response would be so threw up a hand, cutting me off before I could ever start._

" _You want my help? Those are my terms."_

 _Damn him! I couldn't argue with that. But he should know me better. I'd get my payback… somehow._

 _Thankfully, I didn't have to wait very long!_

You though, my dear blog reader, will have to wait to hear about it because Ashilder just had a brilliant idea about the chameleon circuit. We're going to materialize and de-materialize our Tardis on an uninhabited planet she found until it takes on a shape of something less noticeable. Once we have something we like, we'll loop the circuit and hopefully it will hold that shape. Wish us luck!


	9. Entry 9

**Enrty # 9**

We're now living in Narnia. Or rather, in a wardrobe that reminds me of Narnia every time I open the doors to enter our Tardis. After nearly 22,428 attempts (yes, I kept count), this was the best we could do. Oh, we haven't given up trying for something better, but we all know the definition of insanity. Besides, we were getting bored, so we decided to head off to what is supposed to be the largest party in the Galaxy. I got an invite a while back on my psychic paper. I forget the name of the place but they're celebrating the latest "upgrade" to their King, whatever that means. What I do know is…there's no better relief from boredom than a party, as you'll soon find out!

 _Day after day the Doctor wrote, and day after day I spent my time befriending the locals. My first friend, if you can call a banker a friend, was Mr. Styles. Still not sure if he like me or the unlimited line of credit that the Doctor somehow managed to establish for himself throughout earth's history. Mr. Patel, the local butcher, was quite a jovial fellow. I think he was a little sweet on me. He kept saving me the best cuts of meat. Mr. Richter and Ms. Marlow were two surprisingly progressive teachers for their time and they were both open to some of my more radical teaching ideas. The dour Pastor Gray, he was a challenge, it took a while to win him over but it was worth the fight. And Ginny Walsh, she was the town's midwife. With six children of her own, I don't know how she managed. I'd help her out sometimes by watching her kids. These were just a few of the many friends I made during our first month there. But even with all of these new friends in my life, there was one friend I was missing._

 _My best friend._

 _He sat hunched over that bloody desk, oblivious to the world and sometimes, even me. I had to remind him to eat and even his personal hygiene became questionable. His hands were permanently stained with ink. Halfway through the second month I began to regret asking him to save Jane's stories, especially when he slipped into one of his sitting up cat naps and I was unable to rouse him for two days. When he woke, I berated him about needing to take a break._

" _I'm fine…I'm fine. My metabolism must have slowed down…I'll just have to speed it up a bit."_

" _A bit! You were practically in a coma!"_

 _He rubbed his face. "It was just an extended nap. Nothing to worry about."_

" _Been there, done that already." I tugged at his arm to try and get him to stand. He tried shaking me off but I wasn't about to let up…and he knew it._

 _When he stood, it was a good thing I still had hold of his arm because he almost fell over. I steered him into the kitchen and as much as I hated to do it, I sat him down again at the table. The first thing I needed to do was get some food into him._

 _I slid a large plate of shepherd's pie in front of him. "I can't eat all of this!" He protested._

 _I held a spoon in front of his face. "Yes, you will. You're not leaving this table till you clean your plate."_

 _He crossed his arms defiantly. "I'm not a child."_

" _No, you're not a child. You're an idiot!" I shook the spoon at him. "_ _Now eat!"_

 _He grabbed the spoon and scooped up a big pile. Shoving it in his mouth, he gave me a chipmunk cheek smile that said 'look at me…happy now!"_

 _I didn't reply. I just sat down and watched him till he cleaned his plate. Afterwards, I dragged him outside for a walk around the property. We walked in silence. I knew he was internally fuming over the whole situation and I thought it best to let him initiate any conversation. The day was warm and we didn't get far before the Doctor stopped to lean against a wooden fence that enclosed the small paddock behind the barn. I could see he was sweating from our short stroll and he quickly stripped down to his hoodie. Tossing his black jacket onto the railing, he turned to me and I could see the contrition on his face._

" _You're right, ok. You're absolutely right. I've been sitting too long."_

 _I couldn't let him take all the blame. "It's my fault too. I shouldn't have pressured you into this."_

" _It's fine."_

" _No, its not, you need a break."_

" _But I'm nearly done with the third manuscript."_

" _Doctor. We're time travelers. We have all the time in the universe."_

 _He smiled at me but I could see the sadness behind his eyes. It was a sadness that was always there whenever I mention time and the universe, and sometimes…I wondered if he was seeing me or someone else._

" _Yes, of course."_

 _I stepped closer and threaded my arm through his and turned us towards the pasture behind our cottage. The scattering of summer wildflowers were in full bloom and I sighed at the bucolic setting before leaning my head against his shoulder._

" _It's nice here," he said._

" _Yes. It is nice not to be running and looking over our shoulders for a change."_

 _He breathed out a quiet laugh._

" _You're going to take the rest of the day off and tomorrow you're going into town with me."_

 _I felt him stiffen. "Into town? What for?"_

" _You've been cooped up to long. You need to be out in the world. Mingle."_

 _He sounded appalled. "Uh, Mingle? I don't mingle."_

 _Oops wrong word. "Ok then. I need you to accompany me for my own safety."_

 _He frowned down at me. "What? Have the pensioners of Guildford been threatening you?_

 _I couldn't help but laugh. "No. But the local butcher has been overly friendly. I think he wants to show me his larder."_

 _He smiled and looked away, shaking his head. "Oh, Clara Oswald. You could do worse."_

" _Hey!" I gave him a playful shove and headed back towards the cottage. I heard his footsteps hurrying to catch up._

" _So what will we be doing on this trip into town?"_

" _I need to stock the pantry and you need to buy a new suit."_

" _A new suit? What for? I'm not going anywhere."_

 _Reaching the front door, he held it open for me. I gave him a brief glance as I entered. "No, you're not. You just need one for the party."_

 _He paused just inside the door and stumbled over his reply. "Uh..wh..wh..a…a party " What party?"_

" _The one I'm giving here in a few weeks."_

 _He looked fearful. "Why would you want to do that?"_

" _I figured you'd balk at taking regular trips into town with me so I'm bringing the town to you."_

" _Aaarrrww!"_

" _And that's not all. I insist you start taking daily walks."_

" _Clara, I don't need these distractions. How am I supposed to get any work done?"_

" _Sorry, those are my terms." I batted my lashes at him._

 _He turned away, paused, and then turned back. "Fine. Can I get back to work now?"_

" _Yes. But…" I held up a finger for emphasis, "…only until the sun goes down. Then off to bed."_

" _But I just woke up!"_

" _Then maybe you can get a change of clothes and…," I faked a cough, "…have a wash."_

 _I left him there sniffing at his own armpit and went to clean up the mess left in the kitchen. I was the maid, after all._

… _.._

 _I woke up the next morning to the sound of birds chirping and to the sun playing peek-a-boo through the tatting of my curtains. I lay there a while, snuggled under my feather bedding, enjoying the warmth and peacefulness of the morning. That is, until I realized just how peaceful it was. Normally, when I woke, I would lie there and listen to the tinking of his pen in the inkwell as it reverberated around the cottage. It had been quiet way too long and I was starting to get worried. I threw off my covers, stepped into my slippers, and put on the dressing gown that was tucked beneath my covers._

 _I hurried into the sitting room and found the chair at his writing desk empty. Glancing around the room I quickly found him sitting cross legged on the floor. His eyes were closed. "Not again." I mumbled under my breath._

" _Not again?" I jumped when he spoke and his eyes popped open. "What's wrong? He asked._

" _I thought you'd zonked out again."_

" _I didn't "zonk out". I was meditating."_

 _I tucked myself into the settee next to him, pulling my knees up for warmth against the rooms early morning chill. "Aren't you cold down there?"_

" _A true meditant feels neither heat nor cold."_

" _You're an expert are ya?"_

" _Yes. I spent some time with the 13th Dalai Lama when I was younger."_

 _I always loved learning more about the Doctors past so I did what I could to keep him talking. "Really?"_

" _Yes."_

" _How long were you there?"_

" _Well, it was hard to keep track of the time. Possibly five or twelve years."_

 _That long?"_

" _Yes. It takes time to master the discipline. I spent several years there on the side of a mountain meditating on a word."_

" _A word! Why?"_

" _Because that's what the Lama asked of me." The Doctor slowly began extracting himself from his seated position._

" _What was the word?"_

 _He stretched out a leg. "I chose the most complicated word in the Gallifreyan language." His other leg followed._

" _Which was?"_

 _He grinned up at me. "That's complicated."_

" _Course it would be."_

 _He pushed up onto his knees and stood up with a grunt before joining me on the settee._

" _Well, the closest English word it translates to…is eternity."_

" _Eternity."_

" _Yes."_

" _And what did you learn?"_

" _I learned…"he laughed sardonically, "…several years later…that the 13_ _th_ _Dalai Lama had died and that nobody knew I was still meditating up on the mountain."_

 _I was shocked. "What!"_

" _If the monks hadn't sent someone else up to meditate, I still might be sitting there." He laughed again, but I didn't see the humor._

" _That's awful."_

" _No. It's a good word to meditate on."_

 _Wait. What? I pointed to the place he'd been on the floor. "You weren't just…were you?"_

 _He just gave me a look and the only thing he said, before leaving me there with my mouth gaping open was: "Do I get to pick out my own suit today or will it be subject to your opinion?"_

…

 _Two weeks later my life was frenetic. I thought I could do it all myself, but I soon realized that throwing a garden party in the late nineteenth century was more difficult than I knew. Especially with no mobile or the internet! At the Doctor's suggestion, I finally sent for a professional planner from London. Thank goodness I did! I'd have never known how to go about hiring a string quartet, much less even how to find one. I did have to help supervise as cart after cart of supplies began arriving. Thank goodness for the Doctor's credit line! I even had a new party frock made for myself. I know I should have felt guilty, but hey…I was supporting the local economy!_

 _The doctor finished the third manuscript a couple of days before the party and he surprised me when he told me he would not start on the next one until the party was over. He then proceeded to supervise my supervision. I was glad to see him away from the desk for a while so eventually I gave way and let him run the show. He was back in his element, ordering people about. We only argued once, and that was over who was coming to the party._

" _But they're all my friends."_

" _Yes, but class distinctions are still prevalent during this time period. You're friends are not their friends."_

" _That's too bad. It's my party and they're all invited."_

" _That's all well and good as long as you're not disappointed in the turnout."_

 _I smiled knowingly at his concern and it caused him to stop mid fold of the cloth napkin swan he was creating. He furrowed his brow in my direction. "What? What do you know?"_ _I_

 _"I waved my arm at the tents and tables and chairs set up on the back lawn. "That if I build it, they will come."_

 _He gave me a smirk and an eye roll in return._

" _If you must know Doctor, they're all coming to see you…not me."_

" _What! He squeaked out. "They don't even know me._

" _And that's why they're coming. To meet "The Doctor". Miss Oswald's reclusive and very generous benefactor." I couldn't help but grin at the distress I was causing him._

" _No, no no. That's it." He reached over and began pulling apart one of his completed swan napkins. "Party's cancelled. I'll not be the local sideshow."_

" _You're not a sideshow. And it's only for one day."_

" _One day, one year. Same thing."_

" _Well it's too late to cancel. The party's tomorrow."_

" _Humph. I can stop it."_

 _I gave him a challenging look. "Doc-tor?"_

 _He grabbed the remaining folded napkins and shook them all loose. "You can't have a party without swan napkins." He then got up from the table and left me there…staring at the rumpled mound of cloth._

(And yes, dear reader. I did think to myself. 'A party with flat napkins, how would it go on?')

 _We didn't speak to one another the rest of the day. And the next morning, when I stepped outside to give everything a once over before the party, I discovered neatly folded swans decorating all the tables._

…..

 _I wanted to thank him before the party started, but I became too busy supervising a multitude of hired staff as soon as I walked out the door. It wasn't until guests began arriving and people began inquiring about the Doctor that I realized he was missing. I was worried he'd done a runner. But he wasn't hard to find. He was holed up in his room. I found him staring out the window at the party when I opened the door._

" _Hey you." I said._

 _He didn't turn around, just parted the curtains farther apart. "Your party looks to be a hit."_

" _Yes it is. But it's missing someone."_

" _And who might that be."_

" _My best friend."_

 _He turned around, and neither of us spoke for a moment. He seemed taken aback and I was busy marveling at his new suit. He was wearing a long dark grey morning coat with matching trousers; a short waisted light grey double breasted vest bridged across the front by the silver chain of a fob watch and finished off at the neck with a dark blue silken cravat. The tie and the flash of light blue silk lining inside his jacket really set off his eyes. Of course, I couldn't tell him that._

" _What happened to your signature all black look?"_

 _He smiled. "Thought I'd make an exception this time. Try and blend in."_

 _Good answer. "Ok."_

" _You look…different too."_

" _It could be my new frock?" I spun around._

" _Perhaps," he said, before quickly grabbing his matching top hat and my arm. "Shall we?"_

…

 _Nine hours later found us socially exhausted and sitting next to each other in the disappearing light of hanging paper lanterns that had been lit hours ago._

" _There goes another one." A lantern at the furthest end of yard flickered out._

" _That's life." He said._

" _Feeling a bit metaphorical, are we?"_

" _I always do after a party."_

 _I snickered and looked over at him, slouched in his chair, with his hat tilted forward on his head, legs stretched out in front of him, feet casually crossed, his elbows taking his weight on the chairs armrests and his hands resting on his belly._

" _You seem more relaxed than usual."_

" _Yes. I think it has something to do with the tainted punch that was being served."_

" _Punch?"_

" _Yes, the yellowish punch that was served before dinner."_

" _Doctor, that was the Pastis, it's an aperitif. You're supposed to have a small glass before dinner to wet your appetite."_

" _Is that what it was?" He gave me a slightly wonky grin followed by a wink, and that's when I noticed. He was slightly pissed!_

" _How many did you have?"_

 _His grin quickly morphed into a look of confusion. "I'm sorry. Was I supposed to keep count? Because when you told me to mingle, you didn't say anything about there being a pop quiz afterwards."_

 _He had me there. "So, you…mingling? How'd that go?"_

" _Brilliantly. Met an interesting woman. Her name was Isabella Richter. You know her brother I think."_

" _Mmmm." I didn't know what to say._

 _I'd met Isabella a few times before and "interesting" was an understatement. Even in a restrictive Victorian neck to ankle dress, this woman was…all woman! She would probably still ooze sex appeal even if she was dressed in a nun's habit. And I don't know why, but any time I was around her I'd feel…well…like I was less of a woman. I know it sounds stupid. I'm in my thirties, for Christ sake, but she always made me feel like a pimply faced pubescent girl!_

" _Yesss. Mmmm." The Doctor repeated._

 _That reply got my attention. What the hell did he mean by that? His Mmmm didn't sound anything like my Mmmm. I had to find out why._

" _So, what was it you found interesting about her?"_

 _He sat up in his chair and turned to me in all seriousness. "I'm not quite sure. I know I spent a considerable bit of time with her, but for some reason I can't seem to remember a single thing she said. It's odd. I scanned her, I know she's one hundred percent human, so she can't possibly be telepathic, and yet she seem to have the ability to wipe my memory."_

 _I thought it was odd too "Do you remember anything at all?_

 _When he spoke again he confirmed my assessment. "I remember… feeling strange."_

 _I slunk down into my chair. "Hmmmm."_

" _Sorry", he replied, leaning towards me on his armrest. "I don't know what that one means?"_

 _I rubbed my head in frustration. "I think it means Doctor, that I'm tired and its time for me to go to bed." I gave him a curt goodnight and left him there to ponder the meaning of Hmmmm._

 _Yep, that party sure cured me of my boredom, but it opened up another can of worms in the process._

Speaking of parties and cans of worms, the one Ashilder and I attended quickly went from bad to worse. The party we'd hoped to attend had turned into a vigil by the time we'd arrived and we soon found ourselves at the largest 'funeral' in the galaxy! It was a galactic funeral that quickly descended into a multi corporate war for power. We almost lost our Tardis and Ashilder almost lost her mind. Lucky for me, nobody wants a 'dead' host, so with a bit of work, I was able to save her and the Tardis. We're parked now, on a quiet little planet located in the Omega Galaxy. After that close call, I'll have to admit…a little boredom never hurt anyone!


	10. Entry10

**Entry # 10**

We've been parked on this idyllic planet for two months now, or what passes for two months in earth time, which here on Sonorous Prime converts to about twenty five days. This is the most 'down time' I've had in a long while and it's allowed me to become very introspective. Which, I have to say…is not good thing. I'm crying again. (Well, as much as I can cry. Time loop and tears, just doesn't work. ) Some days I blame myself and some days I blame the Doctor. What if I had…what if he hadn't? Some days I think he was the lucky one, having his memory of me erased. It's only now that I realize he lied to me again. He wasn't trying to protect me from the Time Lords. He was trying to protect me from this: This doubt, this loss, this sadness, this regret! I love the memories of our time together, don't get me wrong, But some days…the loss of that…is just too much. I should be in tears right now…

…sorry, I'm back. Had to step away for a few days. No one's blog should be depressing. I was going to erase what you just read, but I decided against it. Because I want you to know that traveling in time and space isn't all fun and games. It's a life like any other. And I need you to understand that if it wasn't for the bad days, we'd never recognize the good!

 _A week after the party a messenger arrived at the door. I didn't think anything of it. I'd receive lots of thank you notes since the party ended. This one though, was different._ _It was addressed to the Doctor. I approached his desk and stood next to him, flapping the envelope at him._

" _You've got mail." I said._

 _He never stopped writing. "Why?"_

" _Why? Usually, when someone writes to you it's because they have something to say."_

" _Hmmm." He ignored the envelope._

" _You want to open it?"_

" _Later." He said. "I want to finish this chapter."_

" _Ok. I'll leave it here then." I placed it at the head of his writing desk._

 _His chapter became chapters and as much as I wanted to know who had written to the Doctor, I finally gave up waiting and went to bed. The next morning when I woke he was no longer at his writing desk and a now empty envelope lay atop his work. I went to find him. He wasn't in his room, so I headed outside. Maybe he'd gone for his daily walk. When I did find him, he was coming out of the barn, dressed in a dark period appropriate suit and leading out our horse and carriage._

" _Where are you off to?"_

 _He pulled a card out of his breast pocket. "I got an invite."_

" _And invite?"_

" _Yes!" He handed it to me._

 _ **Dear Doctor Smith**_

 _ **I intend to receive a few friends to lunch with me tomorrow and wondered if you would do me the favor of joining the party, with whom I believe you may be acquainted and others, to who I shall feel much pleasure in introducing you. We shall meet at one o'clock; and I feel convinced that, if you have no previous engagement, you will not disappoint me in the pleasure of seeing you again.**_

 _ **Miss Isabella Richter**_

 _Of course it would be her! "And you're going?"_

" _Why wouldn't I?"_

 _I just stood there…blinking stupidly at his reply._

" _It may be dark before I return." He snatched the card from my hand. "So don't wait up."_

 _He climbed into the bench seat and flicked the reigns. He trundled off down the dirt road, disappearing from view before I even found the ability to move, much less speak!_

 _I fumed the rest of the day. What happened to finishing the manuscripts? What happened to 'I don't mingle'? What happened to teamwork? He'd just left me here, unable to speak and now…unable to sleep! I heard him when he returned sometime before midnight. I wanted to confront him but I didn't want to come off like a cross parent, much less a …a…_

(Ah bloody hell! I still can't say it. That's not me. I'm not that type of person! Hey! Quit rolling your eyes at me!)

 _So, I stayed put. In my room. Wide awake. All night. I'm sure I looked like crap the next day. I know I felt like it. He on the other hand, was back at his desk and unusually chipper._

 _He even greeted me first, which was a rarity. "Morning!"_

 _Part of me wondered if he'd been replaced by a duplicate. "Morning?"_

" _Is that a question?" he asked, dipping his pen and tapping it on the edge of the inkwell. "Because I'm pretty sure it is morning, what with the sun rising in the east."_

" _No, no." I replied, passing behind him on my way to the Kitchen. "Just wondering what's got you so chipper this morning?"_

 _He didn't reply right away so I continued on into the kitchen and began to prepare our breakfast._

" _It's like you said!" He called out from the other room a little later._

" _Like I said?" I hollered back, giving our scrambled eggs a stir._

" _Yesss!" He appeared a moment later at the kitchen door. "You said I should mingle."_

 _Mingle? I began stirring the eggs a little more vigorously. Is that what he was calling it? "Yes, yes I did."_

" _And it would have been rude not to accept."_

 _I couldn't believe he said that. I moved my pan off the fire and set it back down with loud thud. "You certainly wouldn't want to be rude."_

" _And besides, I hoped it would give me a chance to examine her again. Maybe, find out what happened to me during our last encounter."_

 _I plated up our breakfast. "And what did you find out in your re-examination?"_

" _You won't believe me." He grabbed at the toast as I passed him his plate. "I'm not sure if I believe me."_

 _I sat down across from him and wondered if I had gotten the wrong end of the stick. "And?" I asked, watching as he hastily buttered his toast._

" _And I think she may have a genetic mutation that might be giving her a special power."_

 _Really? I could have told him that! But I chose to bite my tongue and let him tell me. "And what might that be?"_

" _Still not sure," he mumbled at me through a mouthful of toast and jam . "It happened to me again while I was there, a gap in my memory. But…" He jumped up from the table and left the room. I could hear him rummaging around the other room and he was back a moment later. "…I have an Idea." He'd returned with his pen, paper and inkwell._

" _What are you going to do?"_

 _He shoved his plate aside, loaded up his pen and started writing. "I'm going to invite her and her brother to have lunch with us next week."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because we need collect genetic samples from both of them, then I can test the samples, compare them and have my answer."_

 _The clattering of my fork as it dropped onto my plate got his attention. "Aren't you getting sidetracked?"_

" _You said I should take more breaks."_

" _Yeah, well I think she's more of a distraction," I mumbled._

 _He gave me a dismissive look and I had to call him on it._

" _Doctor, we're here to repair Jane Austen's legacy…not get mixed up with some local anomaly."_

" _Clara, you know me. I wouldn't bother if this was just an anomaly. I think this may be connected to what happened to her."_

 _I was still skeptical. "Hmmm. If you say so."_

" _I do."_

 _This was his final comment on the subject and he returned to penning his invitation. When he was done he had the caretaker deliver the invitation and he received a return notice of their acceptance several hours later._

 _Now I had a Luncheon to plan._

…

 _Since even a luncheon is no small affair, I had to hire a small staff to cook and serve and a small tented gazebo had to be erected in the back garden for lunch because our cottage was too small for any sort of formal entertaining._

 _Our guests arrived bearing gifts. Mark Richter had a book of Shelley's poetry for me and his sister Isabella gave the Doctor a set of silk stitched monogrammed handkerchiefs. The Doctor thanked her and offered his arm to escort her to the garden. As she accepted I heard her not so subtly whisper in his ear. "I hope you'll think of me when you use them."_

" _I shall," he replied._

 _I silently rolled my eyes as I followed close behind them on her brother's arm. The conversation during lunch only got worse. Mark was a nice enough man. His conversations leaned towards literature and his love of teaching. Isabella, on the other hand, despite her beauty and breeding, was the most vacuous woman I'd ever met! Her topics of conversation centered on local gossip and denigrating the lesser classes. It was all I could do to bite my tongue. The Doctor though, couldn't have been more agreeable. As our luncheon progressed, I watched him transform from the alien genius I knew and into a monosyllabic idiot!_

" _Yes." "Ah ha." "I agree." "You're right." "Uh huh." "Yes." "Too true."_

 _If this was the Doctor trying not to be rude, I'd have to say, he'd perfected his technique._

 _After two hours of torture I was more than relieved when Mark suggested that he and I take a walk around the property. I think he wanted to get away too. As we excused ourselves I gave the doctor a sidelong glance and mouthed the letters "DNA" to him and stealthily pointed at Isabella. He looked confused and for a moment I thought maybe she did have a "special power", but right before I turned to leave he flashed me an OK sign._

 _As soon as we were alone, Mark apologized profusely for his sister. And he even hinted around that his sister had her sights set on the Doctor._

" _There are only two things my sister wants in a man."_

" _And those are?" I asked_

" _Wealth and old age."_

 _I knew I had to get back, asap! With the way he was acting around her …hell… he might be down on one knee proposing to her right now!_

 _I returned with Mark to sounds of their laughter. I noticed the Doctor had moved from his place across the table from Isabella and was now sitting next to her. As their laugher decreased I saw her playfully pat the Doctors hand._

" _Oh Doctor! Where did you hear these? They are marvelous!"_

" _What's so funny?" I asked as we approached them.._

 _Isabella spoke first. "Oh, Miss Oswald, your guardian has been telling me Knick Knack jokes!"_

" _Knock knock," the Doctor corrected._

" _Whose there?" She replied gleefully._

" _Cow-go"_

" _Cow-go who?"_

" _No, cow go moo!" The Doctor deadpanned._

 _Isabella peeled with laughter again and the Doctor smiled at us as if he was the cleverest man in the world. I just stood there, dumbfounded…again! I came to my senses in the middle of the next joke._

" _Orange who?_

" _Orange you glad I told another Knock Knock joke?"_

 _While they were busy laughing, I turned my back to them and hastily whispered at Mark. "I think its time the Doctor got back to his work."_

" _Of course," he replied. "Isabella…"_

 _It took some cajoling on both our parts, but we soon had them both saying their goodbyes. I went with Mark to wait while our caretaker brought around their horse and carriage. Isabella and the Doctor joined us a few minutes later, and I watched as he helped her into their carriage. He kissed her gloved hand before letting go._

" _Till we meet again," he said._

 _(Yes, you guessed it!) I rolled my eyes, again._

 _Once they were down the road I was on him. "Did you get it?"_

 _His face was a blank. "Get what?"_

" _Her DNA! Doctor, it was the whole reason for this bloody lunch!"_

 _He scrunched his face at my vulgarism. "Of course I got that! Honestly Clara sometimes you act like I'm and idiot."_

 _(I was beginning believe it may be true!) "So where is it?_

" _What?"_

" _Her DNA?"_

" _Oh…uh…" He shoved his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out one of his new embroidered handkerchiefs. He then turned his back to me and then a moment later, he turned back around. "Here you go."_

 _I couldn't believe he thought I wouldn't see what he just did. "Doctor! You…She…! What the hell!"_

 _He pointed his finger at me. "Language." I grabbed the annoying digit and twisted._

" _Ow…ow! It wasn't my fault!" He grabbed at my hand. "She kissed me!"_

 _I couldn't argue with that, but he wasn't off the hook. "You did nothing but encourage her the whole time she was here!"_

 _He looked perplexed. "Really?"_

" _Don't you remember?"_

" _Ah…I…uh… remember… mutton stew."_

" _Is that it?"_

 _He rubbed at his finger. "Pretty much."_

" _You don't remember agreeing with everything she said?" He shook his head. "The inappropriate laughter"_

" _No."_

" _What about the Knock Knock jokes?"_

" _The what? I would never! You know me. I'm totally against trivial forms of humor."_

" _Well it didn't stop you today."_

" _Humph…look, can we save this argument for later? Did you get your sample?"_

 _And he was back!_

 _I reached into the pocket of my short jacket and pulled out a small muslin drawstring bag. I handed it to him. "There you go."_

 _He pulled it open and found several hairs inside. "Excellent. I'll get on this right away." He headed off in the direction of the Tardis._

" _You won't find anything!" I called out to his retreating back._

 _He pivoted round. "How would you know that?"_

 _I gave him a sly smile and tapped a finger against the side of my nose. "Because I have a superpower of my own."_

 _That left him speechless. But nothing would leave him more gobsmacked than what happened next. Than when I discovered…the truth about Jane!_

Hate to leave you hanging, but Ashilder is here tapping her foot at me. She's popped us back to London sometime in the spring of 2017. She thinks a little familiarity might perk me up. I'd like to see home again and I told her a ride on the Eye would be nice. BRB!

 _._

…


	11. Entry 11

**Entry #11**

I was surprised at how much London had changed in the year I'd been gone. We made a stop by Coal Hill on the way to the Ferris wheel and wow! That was a shock! It was a definitive sign that the decision I'd made was the correct one. I could never go home again. And that's ok. Because I've decided its time. Time to return to Gallifrey. Time to face the Raven again. But don't worry. I won't be going anywhere until I finish addressing this rumor!

 _I half-assed read at my book of Shelley while I waited for the Doctor to return. At any moment I expected to hear the front door creaking open. What I didn't expect to hear was the sound of the Tardis materializing in the other room. In his bedroom to be precise!_

 _I barged into his room and shoved open the Tardis door. Imagine my surprise when the door stopped halfway and my shoulder slammed into it! A painful sounding moan soon followed. Only, it wasn't me. I looked behind the door and I found the Doctor there clutching his nose. I rubbed at my own, sure to be bruised, right shoulder and thought about laughing at the situation. That was until I saw drops of blood appearing on the stark white front of his dress shirt._

" _Sorry, sorry!" I hovered around him. "I didn't know you'd be coming out so quickly."_

" _Obviously," he replied , his Scottish voice now sounding heavily nasal._

" _How can I help?"_

" _Handkerchief," he gave his head a bob to the right. "Pocket."_

 _I reached into the right front pocket of his jacket coat and pulled out several of his new handkerchiefs. "Here you go." I held them up to his nose. He gave me a muffle 'thanks' and then made a quick path to the kitchen. I was on his heels and I stood beside him at the sink basin as he removed the wadding and assessed the damage to his nose._

" _Is it bad?" I asked cautiously._

 _He didn't reply. He just placed his thumbs on either sided of his nose and applied pressure till I heard a noise that made me wince. He then pumped out enough water to rinse his face and dried himself off on a towel lying near the basin. When he turned to face me I could tell he was already starting to heal. The bleeding had stopped and only the remaining redness to the skin hinted that anything had happened. He stared at me, and I had a hard time reading the look on his face._

" _I've survived the time war, the Pandorica, and even Trenzalore. But I do wonder sometimes if I'll survive you…Clara Oswald."_

" _Aren't you exaggerating just a bit?""_

 _He replied with a slow blink and an enigmatic smile. It was his semaphoric way of telling me he was teasing._

" _So…the Tardis…in your room. Why?"_

 _He hesitated, and I could tell he was trying to find the right words to tell me something I probably wouldn't want to hear._

" _She's still here."_

 _Well that was confusing. "She who? Isabella?"_

" _What? No…Missy. Whatever she's orchestrating here only started with Jane Austen. That was just to get our attention."_

" _What makes you think she's still here? You've had your Tardis scanning for her Tardis since we found the burned out cottage. There's been no detection, no alarm."_

" _Well, she may not be here at the moment, but that's because she's playing the long game."_

" _The long game?"_

" _Yes. I discovered her meddling when I finished running the genetic comparison."_

" _What did you find?"_

" _Hmmm." His lips became pinched in an uneasy grimace. "Awkward." He turned and paced off a few steps before stopping at the doorway. He ran his right hand down the door facing, pretending to inspect the wood so he could avoid eye contact with me. "Isabella has been overdosed with pheromones; Time Lord pheromones."_

" _Uh…wha..?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Do…do you mean to tell me your psycho friend killed Jane Austen just so she could…, I can't believe I'm gonna' say this….get a 'rise' out of you?"_ (Yes reader, I used visual air quotes to emphasis the word to him.)

 _He looked away; this obviously embarrassed him to no end. To diffuse the awkwardness, I grabbed a tin of biscuits and tossed it down on the table. I pulled up a chair and ordered him to "Sit!"_

 _He sat, and proceeded to fiddle with the biscuit tin._

 _I sat down across from him. "She has your number. Why doesn't she just call you?"_

 _He leaned back in his chair and snapped his cookie in half. "Because where's the fun in that?"_

 _Fun! The thought of that pissed me off. "Is that all I am to you two? A puppy or a pawn in some perverted game?"_

 _That got his attention and he frowned at me. "No. Never. Not to me." He offered me half of his biscuit as contrition and we ate in silence._

 _As I sat there another questions popped into my head. "Why didn't your sonic pick up on the pheromones in Isabella when you scanned her?"_

" _Funny thing about that…," he gave a half laugh. "I've never had the need to install Time Lord genetic parameters."_

 _I had to agree with him on that. "Makes sense. You gonna fix that now?"_

 _He reached for another cookie. "Already have."_

" _So…now what?"_

" _Now," he mumbled through a mouthful of biscuit. "I get back to work." He pushed away from the table and started to stand._

 _Where the hell was he going? "Doctor, you can't ignore this; you need to do something!"_

" _I have, I've pushed the Tardis' perimeter out to surround the cottage. Neither she nor her Tardis can get through and I still have my Tardis scanning for Artron energy. If she materializes anywhere on this planet the alarm will sound."_

" _That's it?"_

" _Yep." He headed back to his writing desk, cookie in hand._

" _At least go and change your shirt!" I yelled after him._

… _._

 _Two weeks later, the Doctor finished copying Persuasion, and he nearly made it into the first chapter of Sandition before all hell broke loose._

 _It all started in the dead of night with the tolling of the cloister bells. And I have to tell you, awaking to that deep reverberating sound from out of a dead sleep. It scared the hell out of me! I rushed out into the main room only to find the Doctor gone and the front door standing wide open. I started yelling for him as I headed out the door._

" _Doctor!"_

" _Here!" He wasn't far. He was standing at the back corner of the cottage looking off into the distance. When I joined him, I saw what had his attention. The horizon was ablaze!_

" _What is that? I yelled above the din._

" _I think…it's the Richter Family manor!"_

" _What are we going to do?"_

 _He turned to me. "We…are doing nothing!"_

" _But….!"_

" _No!" He interrupted. " I want you to…!" The bells suddenly ceased their tolling and the Doctor lowered his voice. "I want you to stay here."_

" _Oh come on! Doctor, aren't you're taking your Victorian era mores a bit too seriously?"_

" _Clara, my decision has nothing to do with provincial sexism and more to do with my concern for your safety."_

 _It always riled me whenever he tried to exclude me. "But we're a team!"_

 _He looked at me dismissively. "Teams are for sports and corporate retreats, not this." He didn't give me a chance for rebuttal; he turned away and headed for the barn. I followed after and watched with my arms crossed in silent disapproval as he hitched up the carriage. My glare finally got the better of him._

" _What?" He finally asked as he took his seat and gathered up the reigns._

" _Why don't you just pop over in the Tardis?"_

" _I can't leave you without protection, so I'm leaving it here with you."_

 _I uncrossed my arms and placed my hands firmly on my hips. "So why not take it and me with you?"_

" _Because I know you, you won't stay in it, you'll follow me."_

" _And that's a bad thing, why..?"_

 _He just frowned so I continued. "Who was it that saved you from having to marrying that sentient plant when you accidentally pollinated it?"_

" _Ahh, you're not going to bring that up again!"_

" _And who had to down a half gallon of strawberry sherbert after you lost that bet with Julia Child, because someone complained he was 'lactose intolerant."_

" _Pppth!."_

" _And who …"_

" _Alright, alright! I'll take the Tardis."_

 _I glared at him defiantly._

" _We'll take the Tardis," he amended._

… _._

 _We arrived to heat and flames accentuating the black skeletal rafters and brick walls of what once had been the Richter family mansion. An exhausted fire and bucket brigade were now standing off at a distance watching the manor burn. There was nothing to be done, so the Doctor began inquiring about the Richter family. Someone directed us to the barn. As soon as we entered, Isabella threw herself into the Doctor's arms._

" _Oh John! I'm so glad you've come! This is horrible, truly horrible!"_

 _I was shocked when he didn't stiffen up or even try to pry her off. Instead he held her tight and did his best to comfort her._

" _There, there. It will be alright. It's nothing that can't be rebuilt."_

 _Wow. I'd discovered the Doctors biggest weakness! Time lord pheromones! If his enemies ever found out…what was I saying…Missy knew that better than anyone! So how in the hell was I supposed to protect the Doctor from himself?_

 _It was all I could do to sit for the next half hour and listen to Isabella's blubbering and the Doctor's soothing words. I finally had enough and left him alone to see if I could figure this out on my own. And by 'on my own' I meant with the help of the Tardis. It wouldn't be easy; we'd never been on the best of terms, what with her hiding my room and moving hallways around on me. Of course it didn't help that I'd called her a jealous cow. Maybe her jealousy would play to my advantage now. I always believed she knew him better than he knew himself. Maybe she would have the answer I needed._

 _Alone inside the Tardis, I suddenly felt very uneasy. I could feel the sentient capsule pulse all around me. I think she sensed I was up to something. I felt silly when I started talking to her._

" _Uh…hello?"_

 _I was met with silence._

" _I need to talk to you." I turned in circles as I spoke to the air. "I need your help."_

 _The lights dimmed a fraction. She must have heard me._

" _I need your help with the Doctor."_

 _The room suddenly went glaringly bright. I definitely had her attention now and I explained the situation. When I finished speaking, I was left standing there in absolute silence. I've never heard the Tardis so quiet before and I wondered if that was a good or bad thing. I thought it best if I gave her some time and headed to the kitchen for some coffee, some strong black coffee. The past few months we'd been drinking tea as our only beverage of choice. I missed my coffee._

 _I took my second cup back with me to the console room hoping she would have and answer for me. She did…only, it wasn't what I expected._

 _I found that the usual hum of the console room had returned. It relaxed me and made me unprepared for the voice I heard behind me._

" _I have something for you."_

" _Bloody hell!" I nearly jumped out of my skin before I quickly turned around and found a young girl standing behind me._

" _Who are you?"_

" _I am voice interface."_

 _I didn't recognize this red-headed little girl so I had to ask again. "Who are you supposed to be?"_

" _I am no one. I am the Tardis voice interface."_

" _So you're just a projection."_

" _Correct."_

" _So, how are you supposed to help me? You're just an image."_

 _I watched as she made her way to the console. "I have something for you." She pointed to a cylindrical object that was protruding up through a small port in the metal facing of the console. I stepped closer and reached for the object. The port hissed when I removed the cylinder._

" _What is this?"_

" _It's the only way you can help the Doctor."_

" _But what is it?"_

" _It's a synthetic androstenol compound."_

" _For what?"_

" _For you."_

" _What am I supposed to do with this?"_

" _You must inject it."_

 _It was then that I noticed the trigger mechanism on one end of the cylinder and a small opening on the other._

" _Into the Doctor?"_

" _No."_

" _Who then, Isabella?" Playing twenty questions with an interface was beginning to annoy me._

" _No. You must inject yourself."_

" _Why? What for?"_

" _As long as the Gallifreyan pheromones are present in Isabella he will not leave this planet . Staying is dangerous. Missy is dangerous. You must entice him to leave."_

 _I waved the cylinder at her. "Entice him? You mean lure him. You want to do to me what Missy did to Isabella. How's that going to help?"_

" _You can persuade him to leave this place."_

" _But he's not finished. He still has two more books…"_

" _It is enough." She cut me off._

" _What is enough?"_

" _It is enough for history. They will not be missed."_

" _Says you," I mumbled. I don't know if she heard me or not but the image disappeared and our conversation was over. I think that was the only time in my life someone had gotten the last word without saying a word. I was now left with a decision to make. This called for another cup of coffee and a giant cinnamon bun for the Tardis' programmable food dispenser._

 _An hour, two cinnamon buns and a tummy ache later, I was still staring at the cylinder lying on the kitchen table. There would be consequences to this decision. I'd already seen how daft he acted whenever he was around Isabella and I didn't want him to change again…his regeneration had been hard enough to adjust to…and our friendship…well, I didn't want to ruin that. Would this ruin that? Would it make it better? We never said things to one another, we didn't have to. We had an understanding. Close, but not too close, that way we couldn't be hurt. And neither of us wanted that. In the end it really came down to one of two options: Dealing with whatever madness Missy had planned or the accepting the Tardis' awkward solution._

" _Ow!" Dammit! The stupid cow could have told me it was going to hurt!_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _Back at the barn, things had changed. Isabella had cried herself to sleep and the Doctor had gone back to the house to survey the damage. I came up beside him in the dark and waited for him to say something._

" _Where did you go?"_

" _A walk," I said, lying by omission._

 _The next thing I knew he was leaning down, his face close to mine. I stiffen up. Was the injection having an effect already?_

 _He gave me a sniff. "You've been in the Tardis eating cinnamon buns again."_

 _I quietly let out the breath I'd been holding. "So?"_

" _So, did you bring me one?"_

 _Did I bring him one? "What am I? Your Man Friday? Go and get your own!"_

" _Humph!" Was all I heard before he stalked off towards the Tardis. I gave him a few minutes before I followed. This was going to be easier than I expected._

 _Back inside the Tardis I made a bee-line for the kitchen. I expected to find him there stuffing his face. What I didn't expect to find an empty kitchen. I turned round and stepped back out into the hallway… only to find myself in different hallway. I was now on a level I didn't recognize!_

" _What are you doing?" I yelled at the walls. The entrance back into the kitchen also disappeared. "I'm doing what you asked; I'm trying to look after him and you go and ship me off to bloody Ibiza! Why?" There was no dimming of lights and the little girl did not appear. I was being ignored. The only thing I could do was start trekking back to somewhere more familiar._

(Ooh! Funny how a turn of a phrase can remind you of something else, like The Kaiser Chiefs song, 'Somewhere More Familiar'. It seem rather apropos don't you think? What? You don't know them? The Doctor and I saw them in '05, well…crashed their set is more like it…oops…so sorry, I'm digressing.)

 _The trek was more of a forced march. The Tardis kept shortening the hallways and locking all the doors as she shunted me down four more levels. What the hell was her problem? I thought about calling her something other than a cow, but she'd probably just transport me to the basement where the Doctor would find my mummified corpse some five regenerations later. I held my tongue and kept walking. I soon reached a dead-end. Great!_

 _I was about to turn around when a dark, heavy looking wooden door appeared before me. Ok, something different…different might be good. I reached for the door's tarnished brass doorknob and gave it a turn. With a low hiss the door swung open automatically. I was startled when I saw there was someone inside. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, but I could tell by the build and the shock of unruly hair that it was the Doctor. He was standing in front of a roaring fireplace. There were two wingback chairs framing both him and the fireplace and as I looked around the room, I noticed a rather large imposing desk positioned in front of a wall of bookcases. And aside from the fireplace, the small green shaded reading lamp on the desk was the only source of light in the room. It illuminated a coffee cup and an empty plate sitting next to it._

" _What are you doing here?" I asked._

 _As he turned around, I could see he was stuffing the last bit of a cinnamon bun into his mouth._

" _Um…wai..in…for mu," was his garbled reply._

 _The Doctor talking with his mouth full was nothing new, but I had to call him out on his clothes?_

" _And what the hell are you wearing?"_

 _He put a hand to his chest in offence. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"_

 _He had removed his stiff black provincial jacket and was now wearing a red velvet smoking jacket. The white dress shirt underneath was open at the neck and he was sporting a silken blue and red paisley cravat. As my eyes drifter further down, I noticed he was still wearing the same pants but he'd changed his shoes. He was wearing a pair of dark suede loafers. Loafers! I'd never seen him out of his boots since he débuted his signature outfit._

" _Uh, nothing much… it's just…,what's with the lounge wear and the loafers?"_

" _Am I not allowed to get comfortable in my own Tardis? I don't call you out for running around at all hours in your nightgown.""_

 _He had me there._

" _You're right" I raised up my hands about waist high in mock surrender. "My bad."_

" _So, where have you been?"_

 _Seriously? "I thought I'd take a stroll." I said sarcastically._

" _Well, you're here now." He approached me quickly, and swept an arm around my shoulders._

" _Come and sit."_

 _I eyed his hand on my arm suspiciously. "Ok." And I let him lead me to the chair._

 _As I sat he offered to get me another cinnamon bun. "No thanks."_

" _Coffee?"_

" _Sure."_

 _He snapped his fingers and a small table appeared between our chairs with two fresh cups of coffee sitting atop. We drank our coffee in silence while the sounds of our sipping echoed around the room._

" _Ready for another cinnamon bun yet?" I nearly leapt up out of my seat when he spoke._

 _He didn't wait for my reply, rather he knocked twice on the table and a plated warm cinnamon bun appeared. The Doctor was looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to pick up the bun. I picked it up and took a bite with him watching me the whole time. The whole tableau was starting to feel a bit creepy, so I thought I'd best eat it quick and excuse myself._

 _As I ate he kept on watching me. I knew it must have something to do with the injection so I did my best to ignore him. When I finished, I began licking the sticky mess from my fingers and that's when I noticed that his tongue was slowly peeking out from between his lips. I quickly stood up to leave._

" _Well…goodnight?" I said akwardly._

 _He stood in response. "Yesss, goodnight."_

 _I turned to leave but his hand on my arm stopped me. As I turned back, his hand reached up to my face. "You missed a spot." His thumb lightly touched the corner of my mouth before I pulled back._

" _I'll get it." I replied, and I attempted to wipe my mouth off on the sleeve of my jacket._

 _He stopped me. "Let me."_

 _The next thing I knew, his face was in front of mine and he was using his tongue to lick away any remnants from the corner of my mouth. It may seem crass, but the words 'Holy Fuck!' popped into my head as this was happening. I don't remember what I was thinking next that because the tongue that had been on my cheek was soon searching for my tonsils._

 _Oh. My. God! If there was one thing this man had perfected after more than two thousand years, it was kissing. It was…it was…"_

Sorry reader, I can't describe it! Ok…ok. I can hear everyone moaning, I'm sorry. I would say it's something you have to experience, but no! You're not going anywhere near there…none of you…ever!

 _After what seemed an eternity his lips finally left mine. I was surprised I was still standing, though I seemed to have acquired a death grip on the lapels of his smoking jacket. He gently pulled my hands away and kissed them._

" _Goodnight, Clara." He escorted me to the door. How was I in any shape to resist? My brain was still malfunctioning. "Yeah, goodnight," was all I said as headed down the corridor…not caring where I was going. Luckily for me the Tardis guided me back to my bedroom. I may have found my bed but what was the point? There was no sleeping that night._

 _Six hours later, after constantly replaying that moment over and over in my head, my eyes were dry from staring into the darkness and not blinking all night. As I took a quick shower, I wondered what the morning would bring. I was glad to scrub off the past months spent at Chawton and I was eager to get back to normal. Whatever that might be now? I hurried to the console room._

 _Things did seem normal at first. I found the Doctor already there dressed in is usual punk attire. He was busy reading something on the monitor, but still greeted me as I entered the room._

" _Morning sleepy head. Are you rested enough for a new adventure?"_

" _New adventure?" I inquired, trudging up the stairs. "What about the current one? Isabella? The fire?"_

" _Aren't we done with that?"_

 _I stopped at the top. Could it really be this easy? "Yeah, I suppose were done."_

 _He looked back at me and I could see his face was lit up with excitement. "Besides, I've found us a distress call! And it's a really cool one too. It's from a ship caught in a slowly expanding time loop. This distress call has been in the Tardis database for nearly a century, but it's only now that enough of the audio has come through to be able to triangulate its temporal location. Listen!" He switched on the transmission so I could hear._

" _Mayday, mayday! This is Colonial ship Evita Perón we arrrrrrrrrr…" The syllable kept going so he switched it off. He then raised his eyebrows at me. "Cool huh?"_

 _I joined him at the console. "Yeah."_

" _Awww come on! Where's your excitement? Don't you remember your history? The Argentinean colonization ship? The one that went missing at the end of the twenty seventh century?"_

" _Sorry," I replied. "I'm still living in the 21_ _st_ _century."_

 _He put his arm around my shoulder again. "Well, we'll soon fix that." He leaned down and soundly kissed me before pulling on down the flight control lever. "History lesson, here we come!"_

 _So, the kissing. I felt a little guilty about it. He didn't seem to notice it was anything new, and it was so nice, I didn't want to say anything that would spoil it. I'm sure you all know the American saying…'If it aint broke, don't fix it." Nope, not gonna fix it._

 _Of course, there was another phrase that would wind up trumping that one…, 'All good things must come to an end.' Stupid phrases!_

 _oooOOOooo_

 _After one long day, (that turned out to be three weeks normal time) of being caught in the time loop ourselves, we were both glad to be back in the Tardis. It wasn't all bad, being caught in a time loop. Several of the days there were spent looped in a really intense make out session. That aside, we were able to rescue some of the working crew, though not the ship or its cargo of twenty thousand cryo-tubes. The Doctor said they would remain trapped until the time loop reached its apogee._

 _So this was our new normal now. Adventure accompanied by intermittent hugs, kisses and caresses. A girl could get used to it. 'Could' get used to it. It's just… I felt so bloody guilty all the time. I felt like I was using him. He never acknowledged the change in our relationship, I don't think he even realized. I should have never listened to the Tardis; I should have never injected myself! I Knew I couldn't keep this up much longer. I'd needed tell him. I just couldn't find the right time. Thankfully, he solved the problem for me._

 _It was almost two months later when the Doctor pulled me aside and sat us down on the top step of the console room stairs. It was the same as he had done years ago when he'd asked me if he was a good man. I wondered what was on his mind this time._

" _Clara?" He asked, intertwining his fingers._

" _Yes?"_

" _Am I a good looking man?"_

 _What? I almost laughed. Where the hell had that come from? How was I supposed to reply?_

" _What's this about?"_

" _You don't fancy me then?"_

 _I was dumbfounded "What?"_

" _Sorry," he started to rise. "My mistake."_

 _I grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "Hold on! We're not done!"_

 _He sat back down with a heavy sigh and placed his face in his hands._

" _So, what's this about?" I asked, using my stern teacher's voice._

 _He rubbed his face before glancing over at me. "Sorry, I knew this was a bad idea."_

" _Doctor, it's only a bad idea if you don't explain what's going on."_

" _Then answer my question. It may help me explain."_

 _I crossed my arms and leaned back against the stair railing. "Good looking. That's what you want to know?"_

" _Yes."_

 _I shook my head. "No."_

 _He looked crestfallen._

" _Wait a minute! I had to push him back down again, "Let me clarify that!"_

 _He sat back down with a heavy thud._

" _The term 'Good looking', is too subjective! When I hear the term good looking I think male models, Boy Bands, Cary Grant, James Bond…,"_

" _He's not real." The Doctor mumbled_

" _Shut up, I'm not finished! Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney." I heard him sigh. "Marylin Monroe," I added. That got a look, and a tiny smile._

" _You, on the other hand are much more than that. Good looking is superficial. Good looking is ordinary, and you…are none of those. You…you are beautiful. Inside and out." I touched him on the cheek. "That's what you are to me." He took my hand from his face and held it._

 _I still needed an answer. "So, what's this all about?"_

 _He rubbed nervously at my hand before blurting it out. "You don't kiss me."_

" _What? When do I not kiss you? I kiss you all the bloody time!"_

" _I'm aware of that!" He snapped. "It's just that…I'm the one who initiates…you don't."_

 _Oh. That._

 _It was my turn to take his hand. "Doctor. There is something I should have told you. It's just…the Tardis…she said I shouldn't say anything and…"_

" _It's ok." He replied._

" _No…it really isn't"_

 _He gave me a guilty sidelong glance. "She told me."_

" _What?"_

" _Our second day after we left Chawton …the Tardis, she told me about the pheromone injection."_

" _What! What the hell!" I pulled my hand away from his. "Why didn't either of you say anything?"_

" _Why didn't you?"_

 _I didn't have a good answer so I said nothing._

 _He interlaced his fingers again, resting them on his knee. "Yeah, me too."_

" _So how long will these pheromones be in my system?"_

 _He wouldn't look at me. "Um…they're gone."_

" _Since when?"_

" _You were only dosed you with enough to last a few days."_

 _That was a shock! "So all this time…when we've been…that was…that was you?"_

" _Yes."_

" _You idiot!" That got his attention. "Do you want to know why I don't kiss you? Do you?"_

 _He scrunched his face and looked unsure as to weather he wanted to know the answer._

" _It's because I didn't want to take advantage of you!"_

 _He looked back down at his hands again, but as he did, I could see he that was trying to suppress a smile. And try as he may, the smile grew and soon he was trying to stifle a laugh. I watched as his shoulders started shaking and his chest heaved. Despite his best effort, he snorted aloud. He finally gave up, and let out a loud guffaw. He leaned back against the railing for support while he continued laughing._

 _I was livid, at first. I wanted to be mad at him and the whole stupid situation, but listening to him laugh, it was infectious, and we soon found ourselves laughing so hard we were in tears._

 _It was as our laughter died down that I seized my moment. I leaned over and kissed him properly. It was a full on, hands in hair, tongue probing, soul searching, no hold barred kiss. I kept on kissing him until he pulled away._

 _His hair was mussed and he looked thoroughly flustered. "What was that for?"_

 _I smiled at him. "For being an idiot."_

" _Good," he said. "Now that that's settled." He leaned in to return the kiss…and then some!_

Well readers, there it is. The truth about Jane. Disappointed? Too bad! It is the truth after Doctor became Jane Austen just for me. And now history…especially our history, would never be the same!

(Ok, ok! I was going to end my story there, but after reading over my shoulder for the past half hour, Ashilder won't let me. She says I need to add a brief epilogue. Blogs don't have epilogues, I told her. But, she's talked me into it.)

 _._


	12. Epilogue to the Blog!

**Epilogue to the Blog!**

 _Fine, so there I was, back on Gallifrey. Ready to face the Raven. But it seemed my "extraction" had been forgotten by the Time Lords. So I had to have a meeting with the council and the Lord President to discuss my 'situation'. They listened politely, and after I'd had my say, they readily agreed to my request to return to Trap street. The Lord President even insisted on escorting me to the extraction chamber._

 _Yes, reader, I was scared, but it was time. Traveling with Ashilder had been fun, but it wasn't the same as my time with the Doctor._ (Ow! Ashilder is reading over my shoulder and she just smacked me on the head!)

 _Being an immortal, I know Ashilder understood my reasoning and she would have probably joined me if she could. I said my goodbye to her in the Tardis. The Time Lords weren't too pleased that we still had a Tardis, I didn't want to give them the opportunity to take it from her.)_

 _When I arrived at the stark white extraction chamber, all my memories came flooding back, and I couldn't help but tear up at remembering how far the Doctor gone to try and save me. I wished I could have seen him one last time._

" _Why would you wish that?" The Lord President spoke up._

 _I was about to die so I wasn't too keen on politeness. "Get out of my head." I snapped._

" _Sorry," she said. "Can't help it. You're thoughts are so loud, the Doctor could probably hear them even if he was back on earth."_

" _Look, can we just get this over with?"_

" _If that's what you want."_

" _It is."_

 _She punched in some Gallifreyan symbols on the room's free standing terminal and then escorted me the doorway that appeared in the far wall. I recognized Trap Street. I must admit, I was shaking more this time than the last time I face my death. "I can do this." I mumbled to myself for reassurance. I started to take that final step when the Lord President spoke up again._

" _Oh! I almost forgot something!" She said._

 _I was just a little miffed at her interruption, so I gave her a glare. "Forgot what?"_

" _This."_

 _She took a step closer, placed her hands on my face and…kissed me!_

* * *

Hang on, reader. I'm being interrupted again! Someone just barge into my room...and this is what I just heard:

"Bloody immortal, you think it gives you exclusivity to everyone in the universe! Go and find your own girlfriend!"

Awww shit…the ladies are gonna' start fighting again!

The Doctors been tryin' to get Ashilder out of his…sorry, out of her Tardis and back into her own for about a week now.

So much for my epilogue. I gotta go play referee! I'll leave the rest to your imagination!


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